The Bella Swan Guide to Getting Your Life Back
by Kitty Cullen-03
Summary: I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to come back. I've got plans. I've got a method. I'm Bella Swan, and I'm taking my life back.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I'm not a "3 stories at a time" kind of girl, I swear. But this has been stuck in my head for forever. I finally outlined it COMPLETELY (yay me) and just couldn't wait to get it posted. Please feel free to ask questions about this story-I want you all to understand the premise. And it may look like every other story out there, but I promise it's not. **

**Bella Swan has a method. She has a plan. She's going to get up, get out and get on with it. "Fuck you, Edward-I don't need you anymore."**

**Preface**

It didn't matter how many times I said I hated birthdays, Alice insisted on throwing me a party. I tried begging and pleading-hell, I even tried crying. No such luck. So here I was, sitting in my truck in front of the Cullen's house, on the night of my party. Edward was with me; he tried to make me see reason. I played along because it meant so much more to them than it did to me. I was prepared to be Queen gripes-a-lot when we got here, but when Edward told me Esme made the cake herself, I caved. I would put on my best happy face, walk through that door, and act like this was the greatest thing ever.

Too bad I suck at acting.

Edward pulled me from the truck and gave me an apologetic smile as we walked up the steps, having learned that trying to talk this up wasn't going to help. They were all waiting for me; Carlisle and Esme, waiting with smiles, Emmett, ready to burst his skin with excitement, Rosalie, at least not grimacing, and finally Alice. Alice was dancing back and forth as if she couldn't contain her joy. She bounded past the others and threw herself at me, thankfully stopping in time before she pummeled me to the floor. She may look small, but she packed a punch. The room was covered in flowers and candles, and in the center was the cake that Esme made. I was pleased to see that it wasn't some giant monstrosity of a cake, which was what I was afraid of. Instead, it was small-one layer, covered in chocolate icing, with my name written in (much to beautiful for icing) pink script. Emmett saw me eye the cake, and took the opportunity to poke fun. As per usual.

"The cake wasn't big enough to fit 18 candles on, so we just left it alone. That, and the fact that you're a fire hazard." He grinned wickedly, but I only rolled my eyes.

"Leave her alone, Emmett, it's her birthday!" Alice chided, pulling me towards the center of the room. "Esme knew you wouldn't want anything extravagant, even though what I had in mind was gorgeous. But that's besides the point! Are you ready to open presents?" she asked, already thrusting one towards me.

I frowned. "Alice, I told you, I didn't want you guys to spend money on me. It's not fair." I took the package, which was small and light. It was probably a car key, knowing them.

"Yes, well, nobody said we had to listen. We don't have birthdays, therefore negating the need to give each other gifts. We've been looking for an excuse for years, and here you are, walking and ready. Open it-this one's from me." I sighed, but tore at the paper.

"A gift card, Alice? I have to say, I'm surprised." I looked at the tiny square that entitled me to anything I wanted at _Gucci_?! "Alice, how much is _on_ this gift card? And when have I ever shopped at Gucci?" I asked, shaking my head.

"That's the problem-you never _have_ shopped at Gucci. It's time to change that. And there's no amount on that gift card, you just get whatever you want and it's taken care of." She smirked at me. I made a mental note to buy a Gucci keychain and let myself smile at Alice.

"Thank you. You're too much, you know that, right?" I said to her. She laughed her trilling bell laugh and put her arms around me.

"I may have heard that once or twice." She handed me another present, this one from Emmett. I moved my hand quickly under the wrapper, and with all the grace of a paper bag, I cut my finger.

"Ouch!" I hissed, bringing my finger up to my mouth, apparently oblivious to what was happening around me. In a spilt second, I realized my fault, and turned towards Edward. His eyes were black-a definite bad sign, and I could hear a low growl coming deep within his chest. I didn't move-nobody did. My slight tremble could never match their utter stillness as all eyes rested on the vampire on edge. Carlisle edged towards me, pulling a tissue from the table next to me and wrapping it around my finger. I looked down-there was no more blood. I knew my blood was stronger to him then to the rest of them, that's what pulled him to me in the first place. So I waited.

And just like that, the moment was over. His eyes, now back to their normal color, looked at me with a growing concern that I just couldn't place. "Are you okay?" he asked flatly. Uh oh.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I'm good." I looked at Alice, trying to catch her eye. She'd tell me if something wasn't right. But she wouldn't even look at me-she was too focused on Edward. My stomach wrenched when I saw the pleading look in her eyes as she begged him with her thoughts. He chose not to acknowledge her.

The rest of the evening couldn't have been more awkward if I had been naked the whole time. Edward would barely look at me. Alice had left the room completely. I opened the rest of my presents, had two bites of cake, and spent the rest of the evening on the couch. Emmett had tried to coerce me into a game of _Halo, _but I had no desire. I wanted to know what was wrong, and I wanted to know now.

10:00p.m.

"Let's get you home, Bella." Edward said, pulling me gently towards the door. I waved my goodbyes to what family was there, but who I really wanted was Alice. She didn't come back. Edward must have noticed my distress, but refused to say anything about it. We drove home in silence.

10:30p.m.

I was sitting on my bed, waiting for Edward to make his reappearance through my window. He'd only left long enough to make it realistic. He always came back.

11:30p.m.

I was hyperventilating. Freaking out. Absolutely losing it. He didn't come back. He wasn't here. No phone call, no nothing! I tried to take a deep breath, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't have any room beyond the fear to breathe. I laid on my bed, clutched my pillow, and cried myself into unconsciousness.

7:00a.m.

I woke up groggily, trying to remember why my pillow was stiff with tears. The realization hit me-Edward never came back. H e dropped me off and left. Add that with the flatness in his voice and the inability to look at me and I've got myself into something deep. Something scary. When I stood up and turned towards my closet, I noticed an envelope. _No._ I knew the script on front-I would recognize it anywhere. I couldn't hardly work my fingers to open it. And when I did, I wished I hadn't.

_Bella,_

_I have to leave. I can't spend your life fighting these urges I have any longer. Every day is a fight for me; a fight I fear I'll lose very soon. Something as insignificant as a paper cut should not have me fearing for your life, yet it does. I thought after Phoenix things would be different, but it's only getting worse. I can't continue to put you in danger. I can't be a danger to you anymore, Bella. You wonder why I didn't do this last night, to your face? I don't want the last image of you that I have be one of sadness. I couldn't look into your eyes and tell you these things. Call it cowardice if you will, but I want to remember you as I've seen you these past months. Smiling and happy. I couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for breaking your heart, and seeing it in your eyes. _

_I'm sorry. I love you._

_Edward_

I stared at the letter like it was written in Greek. Before long, I couldn't see through the tears. I cried until there was nothing left in me to cry. My hands pressed the letter to my chest, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything but this overwhelming feeling of what had to be death. I had to be dying-who could survive this? Edward was my everything. My everything. In the coherent part of my mind, I thanked God Charlie wasn't here to listen to my screams.

8:00a.m.

I laid down on the floor of my room, clutching the last piece of my Edward that I had to my chest. His final words to me. _I'm sorry. I love you._ I could almost hear him saying it. I closed my eyes, and I died.

**This is only a niblet of back story. From here, we will follow Bella on her road to recovery as she gets her life back. Get ready to open up Chapter 1: Wake Up.**

**This is only a preface as to what sets Bella off. There are questions to be answered, such as: Where's Jasper? Is that why Edward really left? What did Alice do? So stick with me-I swear it'll be fun.**


	2. Chapter 1: Wake Up

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

**Thanks for the great response to my prologue! I don't want to spoil you guys with thinking that I'll be updating this story every day, because as I've mentioned, I've got 2 others as well. So look for weekly updates like normal after this! I jsut wanted to give you guys a real feel for this story, and I think it's better in chapter 1. Let me know what you think!**

White walls.

White floors.

White jackets.

When I opened my eyes, this was all I saw. I knew that I was lying down, but I had no recollection of where I was or how I got there. It was very bright.

"Bella?" That was my name-I should respond. How did I do that again? "Bella honey? Can you hear me?" Hmm. That voice was familiar. _Just say something, Bella. Say anything._

"Yeah." _Way to use the English language._ But it was all I had. All I could muster. What happened to me? I looked in the direction of the voice. "Mom?" I asked. I didn't know where I was. She let out a loud sigh of what sounded like relief.

"Oh, honey, thank God!" she cried, throwing her arms around me. It was uncomfortable, considering I was still lying down. I tried to sit up to hug her back, but I was just so _stiff._ My mother's tears of what I hoped was happiness dripped down my neck and stuck in my hair. I finally managed to pull myself into a sitting position. I was in some kind of room that I didn't recognize. The walls looked soft.

"What's going on? Where am I?" I croaked. My throat was dry. What the hell day was it?

"You're…in a hospital honey. Do you remember anything?" Remember? What would I have forgotten? I tried to think back-to remember something. It was like everything was fuzzy and I couldn't focus. I looked down at my arm-an IV. That would explain the fuzziness.

"I'm not sure. I don't know what's going on." I was trying to keep calm, really I was. But honestly, I was starting to freak out.

"There was an…incident." She said simply.

"That's not helping me remember, mom. Incident? What are you talking about?" She just looked at me, concern filling her features.

"Charlie found you on the floor of your room. You wouldn't say anything or wake up. He was so scared, honey! He called an ambulance, but when they got you to the hospital, there wasn't anything wrong with you. The doctor's were saying you were catatonic. He called me and I've been with you ever since." I stared at her, trying to process this information. _Catatonic?_

"What? Why? How long was I like that?" I cried.

"Charlie says you were holding on to a letter. From Edward. Do you remember that? And I've been here 3 weeks." It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Edward.

Gone.

_I love you. I'm sorry._

He left me.

I started to hyperventilate. Mom, looking panicked, tried to pull me to her, but I resisted. _Three weeks?!_ I was out for three weeks. Because of Edward. Because he was too much of a _coward_ to stay with me. It was like something inside me snapped.

I was pissed.

"Bella? Sweetheart? Are you okay? Calm down honey," mom coaxed, trying to calm me. I tried to listen to her words, because I didn't want to cause her any more pain.

"I can't believe…three weeks…are they all gone?" I stumbled incoherently. Had they all left me behind, just like Edward? Was I really that indispensable? I knew she would know what I was asking.

"Yes." She didn't need to say anything else. I must have meant nothing to them. This was _bullshit._ Complete and utter bullshit. He could have left when we first met! He wanted to! But no-he stayed because he _couldn't stay away._ He _made_ me love him, and then he left me! And with a note? What kind of man does that? _Three weeks!_ Through my anger, part of me knew that I had to take some of the blame. After all, I was the weak, delicious human with the tasty smelling blood. Always blushing. You know what? Fuck that. I sat on a bed in a padded room, and I decided.

Edward didn't live here anymore. Not in my heart. I am Bella fucking Swan, and I'm not going to be the weak one anymore.

"Can we go?" I asked, looking towards the door. My mom hesitated.

"I'll have to call the doctor-let him know you're awake. But I'm sure he'll discharge you. Then we'll call Charlie. Honey-do you want to come home with me?"

"No thanks, mom. I'm going to finish school in Forks. Go ahead and call the doctor-ask them to bring me some clothes."

Two Days Later

"Dad? I'm going into town for a bit." Charlie had been hovering ever since I got home, but I hadn't given him any reason not to trust me to leave for a few hours. He eyed me speculatively from the recliner.

"Where to? Are you sure you feel up to it?"

"I'm going to get a haircut. I haven't been in a long time, and I think I'm about due. I feel fine-in fact; this will make me feel better." He nodded in consent. I grabbed my purse and made a quick drive to one of the only salons in town. There was no waiting of course.

"What are we doing today, sweetie?" the young stylist asked me.

"Cut it off." She looked at me, surprised, but didn't ask any more questions. I guess I looked like a girl who means business. While she was cutting, I thought of Alice. She would have hated this.

_~Flashback~_

"_Bella, stop it! I don't have much hair-please let me play with yours!" Alice pouted as I tried futilely to protest. I nodded in ill-felt compliance. "yay!" she squealed, immediately pulling me into a sitting position. She had pulled a chair into her room and I was sitting in it, facing her bed. She was flitting around her room looking for something._

"_Lose something?" I asked impatiently. _

"_My curling iron. I have one around here somewhere…oh yeah!" she pranced over to the chest in front of her bed. I asked her once why she had a bed, considering she didn't sleep, and she merely shook her head. She swung the trunk lid open and rooted around inside, tossing things aside as she went. While she was rooting, I caught a glimpse of a picture. It was faded and old but there was no mistaking Alice. That's odd-it looks like she's in a wedding dress! But Alice had never been married, at least not that I was aware. Before I could get a good enough look at the man she was with, Alice threw the picture back in the trunk. He had blond hair. _

"_Who was that, Alice?" I asked, motioning towards the picture she had thrown out of my site. _

"_What? Oh, nobody." She said clearly avoiding the subject. "I wonder if your hair will take to curling-I bet it will. It has a little bit of natural curl to it anyway-you're going to look so cute! Edward is going to freak. Do you like…" _

I had completely forgotten about that until now. She had started talking so fast that I lost track of my question. Which, thinking on it, was probably what she wanted. What did it matter now? I looked down at the floor and saw a mountain of hair. I smiled. The girl spun my chair around and turned me towards the mirror.

My hair was cut into a neat, chin-length bob that was slightly angular. It was completely different.

I loved it.

I paid the stylist and made my way home, excited with my new look. I needed to catch up on my homework, considering I'd missed three weeks of school. My teachers had been pretty lenient, considering the circumstances, so I wasn't that bad off, but still. I also wanted to get my application in to a few collages-no way on earth was I going to waste away in this little town waiting for magic to find me. I had my eye on a study-abroad program in London. Before I got home, however, I decided to make a quick stop by the Wal-Mart in town.

I need new sheets.

As sick and sad as it is, I could still smell Edward on my bed, and it bothered me. I didn't want to think about him, and it was worse at night. I could smell him when I slept, and it would cause me to dream. I don't want to dream about Edward anymore.

The Wal-Mart wasn't busy; nothing in this town ever was. I went straight back to the bedding section and grabbed a set of green sheets. I was tired of purple, anyway. When I got home, I went upstairs and immediately changed them. I took the old ones and threw them straight in the trash. I had no desire to wash and keep them. No more reminders. I stayed up, sitting on my new, non-Edward-smelling sheets, until I caught up on all my homework. I had to admit, I was feeling pretty accomplished.

I changed into my pajamas and ran a brush through my newly short hair. When I turned around to face my bed, I noticed my window was open. I had kept it open for months because it was Edward's entrance point into my room. He made it that way. Before I knew what he was, he would sneak in and watch me sleep. He pushed himself into my life. Angered, I stormed over to the window and slammed it shut. Hell, if I would have had a hammer and nails, I would have nailed the damn thing closed; not that it would have done any good, but it's the thought that counts. I allowed myself a few seconds to think about what he was doing now, and I hoped that he was really and truly miserable. I had grieved inside my own head for three weeks. I had scared my family enough that they had me committed. I knew one day I would remember those three weeks, but I thanked God that it wasn't going to be today.

I fell asleep and didn't dream at all.

The next morning I got ready for school with a slightly sick feeling in my stomach. What had been the story while I was gone? The town was too small for this to have been kept a secret, so I was sure that there was some kind of story circulating about me. _Poor Bella Swan, locked in the crazy home because her boyfriend left her._ Fantastic. It was going to be an awesome day.

I parked my truck and walked in, trying to keep my head held high. I was going to do this right. I wasn't going to let them get to me. Mike was by my side the second I walked through the door.

"Bella! Oh my God! Welcome back! How are you feeling?" he asked, sounding sympathetic.

"I'm great! Never been better." I said, moving past him to my seat. He followed me to my seat, but didn't say anything else on the issue. Good old Mike, my golden retriever forever. I made it to lunch without another incident.

"Hey, Bella. Good to see you back," Angela said, patting me on the back. I was most comfortable with her-she would never judge me. I gave her a warm smile and followed her to our lunch table. Jessica was waiting, looking like she was going to explode.

"Bella! You look good. I like your hair! How are you doing? I'm sorry to hear about the Cullen's leaving," she rattled on, trying to sound sincere but failing miserably.

"Thanks Jessica." I said curtly, sitting down to face Angela. She smiled at me again. Mike joined me on the left, looking impossibly hopeful considering I just got out of the nut house. I had no patience for Jessica anymore, and I was going to make a point to ignore her as much as possible.

"Did they cut your hair for you in the psych ward, Bella?" Lauren asked snidely, smirking at me. _Oh, you bitch._

"You know what, Lauren? I've got some good advice for you. How about you fuck off?" I spit back.


	3. Chapter 2: Put Your Big Girl Panties On

**Disclaimer: kitty is sad 'cause she doesn't own anything! **

**Thanks, guys, for such an awesome response! And I promise, all your questions will be answered. I know I don't reply to very many reviews; that doesn't mean I don't love them all! I appriciate each and every one I get.**

"_What_ did you say to me?" Lauren screeched, her voice shooting through two octaves. She was glaring at me.

"I'm sorry, was I unclear? I _said_ that you can go. fuck. Off." I emphasized the last two words, hoping she'd get the point. The rest of the people at the table were staring at me as if I'd grown a tail or something, but I didn't give a damn. It was about time someone put Lauren in her place, and if nobody else was going to do it, then why not me? She was a habitually nasty gossip who only kept friends who would agree with her no matter what. Well, clearly that wasn't me.

"And just where do you get off talking to _me_ like that?" fire was shooting out of her eyes, she was so pissed. Good.

"I thought it was about time someone taught you how to think before you speak. You know, if you're a bitch to _everyone _you meet, you'll eventually die alone-right? Think of it as helping you out." I didn't want to give her another chance to screech at me-the noise was unpleasant. I stood up, grabbed my tray of food and moved to an empty table. It didn't surprise me at all when nobody got up to follow. On one level, it made me appreciate Rosalie a little more. I could never understand how she could be so mean all the time, but truth be told, that felt kind of nice. I remembered the first time I ever saw Alice stand up against Rosalie. It was kind of funny, actually.

"_Alice, if you cut your hair, would it grow back?" I asked while Alice and I sat in the living room. Alice was shopping online and I was watching TV. Her wind-chime laugh echoed across the whole house, drawing the others in._

"_What's so funny?" Emmett asked, joining me on the couch. Edward followed and took my other side. Carlisle was gone, but Esme had stayed to 'keep an eye on things,' as she said. Rosalie lurked in the corner as usual._

"_Bella's asking silly questions again," she replied. I blushed as all their eyes turned to me. _

"_What is it this time? Are we revisiting 'what happens when you eat people food?' or my personal favorite, 'If you wanted to have a bloody Mary, would you use real blood?'" He guffawed, throwing some of my natural curiosity in my face. Okay, in my defense, I was really trying to be funny with the Bloody Mary comment. But it didn't stop Emmett from having his fun with me anyway. _

"_Thanks for bringing that up again, Em," I replied, tossing a pillow in his direction. He caught it of course, and threw it back. "I asked Alice a perfectly legitimate question. If you got a haircut, would it grow back?" he laughed anyway. I saw Rosalie roll her eyes and say something too fast for me to catch. It was probably a good thing. She never had anything nice to say to me anyway. But how do you argue with someone who could kill you in 2 seconds flat? I was surprised when Alice jumped from her seat and turned to face Rose._

"_You watch y our mouth, Rosalie!" she said. If it wouldn't have been so serious, I would have laughed-considering that Alice probably came up to Rosalie's shoulders at best. "Do you have to be nasty, or is it just your hobby?" she asked. I drew in a sharp breath, not believing what I just heard. _

"_You forget that there's nobody here to regulate how I feel anymore, Alice," she spat, immediately causing the entire room to erupt. _

"_ENOUGH, Rosalie!" Edward shouted, looking at her like she'd explode at any second. I didn't know what the big deal was, anyway. I didn't understand what she meant. I turned to Alice._

"_What did she mean-'regulate how she feels,'?" Alice looked at me, almost looking through me, before she answered. _

"_Nothing, Bella. She's just…trying to find something to hurt me. It's how she fights. Don't worry about it." She whispered. By then, Emmett had taken Rosalie outside. Edward looked at me, worried._

I never did figure out what Rosalie meant that day. Granted, I didn't put a lot of thought into it, considering I didn't give a damn what Rose had to say. But it was still puzzling none the less.

I finished lunch quickly and made my way to my next class. I got a lot of looks-apparently my little lunch scene had become big news quickly. Thank heavens Angela was in that class.

"I think what you did was fair, Bella." She said to me as we took our seats.

"Thanks. I didn't mean to say anything, of course, but when she made fun of my hair, I just snapped. I'm sick to death of her treating everybody like shit. I'm not going to be walked on anymore." I stated. She didn't say anything else on the subject-one of the reasons I really liked her company. I didn't have to worry about saying something wrong to her. The rest of the day passed with only a few points and whispers. When I walked out to my truck, Mike was waiting.

Of course he was.

"What's up, Mike?" I asked half-heartedly. I hope he didn't think, just because I wasn't with Edward anymore, that I was going to run straight to him.

"Nice move at lunch today," he said. I didn't say anything. "What are you doing on Friday?" he was looking at me hopefully. _How was that even possible?_ Had I ever given him any inkling that I wanted to go out with him? Wasn't the constant 'no' a good enough reminder? Clearly I was going to have to make this clear.

"Nothing, Mike, but that doesn't mean I want to go out with you." He pulled back, looking hurt. "Listen-you're a nice enough guy! You're just not my type. I don't want to go out with you. I won't _ever_ want to go out with you. I want to be your friend, really I do, but if you can't accept that it's _all_ I want, then maybe that's not going to be possible." I turned away and hopped in my truck, leaving him stunned. I was really making myself a name today, that was for sure. I was just so _tired_ of pretending to care. Of pretending to be nice.

I drove home quickly; I was in a hurry to get away from school and Mike and Lauren and everything else. Charlie wasn't home from work yet, so I crawled up to my room and started to work on some college applications. I had absolutely zero intentions of going anywhere _near_ here. In fact, the only college in the United States that I was applying to was NYU. I had my heart set on London University, truth be told. I wanted to see the country. Live somewhere that's untainted to me. _A clean break._ I filled the applications in online; you got a faster response time that way. I hoped to hear something from them by early next week.

I flopped backwards onto my bed as I waited for Charlie to come home. I hated downtime the most; my mind had too much of an opportunity to wander to placed I didn't like it to be. So, instead I decided to clean out my room.

There was a large back of 'offending items' I had tossed in the bottom of my closet that I needed to dispose of. Birthday presents, pictures and such. I hadn't been able to bring myself to get rid of them yet, but I thought now was the time. So I put my Big Girl panties on and dove in head first. The first thing I pulled out was a yet-unopened present from Carlisle and Esme. I didn't bother pulling the silver wrapping off, instead tossing it straight into the 'throw away' pile. Alice's gift card was next. I'd never have a reason to shop at Gucci and I didn't want her money. I tried very hard to choke back the pain I felt at the image of that tiny little card. It represented my lost pixie friend. Emmett and Rosalie's gift was next-still partially wrapped. The gift that ruined my life. It was a book; that much I knew. But I didn't bother to look at the title. The burn in my chest was growing as I tossed it on the pile. I decided to just rip the band-aid off completely-I tore the bag open and shook everything out at once. I wasn't going to look through it-I couldn't. The last item out of the bag caught my eye, however.

A picture.

I looked at myself, sandwiched between Alice and Edward, as we stood on the side of a riverbank. We were all smiling and happy. It was a lifetime ago. I quickly scooped everything up and strode outside, dumping it on the ground. I lit a match and tossed it on the pile.

_A clean break._

I watched my past and future go up in smoke.

**I hope ya'll are starting to develop some thoughts about what's going on-I'd love to hear theories! **

**Keep in mind that I have no idea if there is actually a London University or not-but it sounds good to me!**

**ElleCC and LaViePastiche (awesome authors!) are hosting a "for the love of Jasper" contest now. This is going to be big, and it's going to be awesome. I suggest you keep an eye on it. I'm entering two stories-one of my own, and one collaboration (with a _wicked_ awesome author). **

**Need some fic recs? Head on over to my profile and follow the link to the Jasper's Darlins blogspot. We'll be rec'ing and reviewing every week!**


	4. Chapter 3: Suck it Up and Go

**Disclaimer: kitty is not Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thanks, guys, for reviewing! I heart you!**

It came.

_It came!_

An envelope from the university in England that I applied to. It was big and yellow, heavy with fancy paper. Surely this was an acceptance. They didn't send 'piss off' letters in big giant envelopes.

"Dad! Charlie! It came!" I screeched, bolting down the stairs and coming to an abrupt stop at the kitchen table where he was resting. It took him a minute to figure out what I was talking about, but once he saw the envelope in my hand he stood up and came to my side. I was shaking. Hell, I haven't been this excited in a _really _long time. This was my ticket. It had to be.

"Open it up, Bells." He looked almost as excited as I was. I pulled back the paper and pulled the first sheet out.

_Ms. Swan-_

_On behalf of London University, we are pleased to welcome you…_

I screamed. I danced. I pulled Charlie into a hug, and we did a little jig. This was my way out. I wouldn't have to live here, where my memories were constantly clouded. I could go somewhere new and untainted. And if they came looking for me, for any reason at all, I would be gone. In a way, it was like I was saying goodbye for myself. Staying would be like I was waiting for something from them, but leaving…leaving was proving that I didn't need him. A tiny part of me was breaking at the thought, knowing that I was serious about this. But I wasn't going to let that part of me out anymore.

"Way to go, Bella! I'm so proud of you!" Charlie was almost squealing like a school girl. I wanted to explode with happiness.

"Thanks! I'm so excited! I gotta go call mom!" I shot like a bullet to my room and yanked my cell phone out of my pocket. She screamed with me, told me she was happy, and then got off the phone to go call Phil. I sank down on my bed and rifled through the rest of the information. The university had campus housing, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go that route or if I wanted to try and find a place of my own. Considering how I felt about rooming with a complete stranger, I was leaning more towards my own place. But then I'd need a job. I could find a job. If I left right after graduation instead of waiting until the semester starts, I'd be able to get settled in.

Graduation, for me, would be in a month and a half. Even with missing a few weeks of school I was set to graduate at the half-semester, so I could leave after Christmas. They wanted you to walk at graduation when you did that, but I didn't have to. I had no reason to. The only person there to cheer me on would be Charlie, and he could cheer from the dinner table for all I cared. So I had a month and a half to find a job and an apartment in London-while living in Washington. A stray thought broke through before I could curb it-_Carlisle is from London._ My heart panged for my 'parents'.

_Nope, Bella, not going there today,_ I told myself. I had plans to make. I needed to hit the internet, find me a job, and get me an apartment lined up. I had enough money to get me started over there, but not enough to last very long. So much to do.

I got online after what seemed like days-my internet connection was moving at snail-speed. I checked my email first, not expecting much, but there was one. An email from someone I didn't know.

_Message received from: aceer._

_Last Chance. Please. I tried. For me._

_Love._

What the hell?

This made no sense. At. All. Probably a wrong address. I deleted it without a second thought. I found the site for the London Times, quickly scrolling to the apartments-for-rent section. Only they called them flats. I realized a quick folly-I would need to convert this into something I could actually understand. God bless Google! There were a ton of _flats_ listed, most of them out of my price range. But I did find a nice-sounding studio above some kind of restaurant that I could afford. I wrote the number down and made a mental note to go straight to the store and buy an international phone card.

And now I had a big fat load of nothing to do. Just great. When I'm bored, I have a tendency to do stupid things, and right now one big dumb-ass idea was creeping into my head. So this take-charge attitude I have going for me depended on letting loose all of my demons. And I still had a huge demon lurking in my closet.

More like lurking three miles down a winding road full of weeds, but whatever. Might as well go to hell in a hand basket.

I hopped into my truck and let myself follow the path almost unconsciously. When I made my way to the front of the house, I froze. What if I went in and everything was the same? Wasn't that what I wanted? To go through it, one last time? But what if it was empty? Like they were never here? I need tangible proof that they had really, truly left me. I manned up, pushed the door open (why it was unlocked I'll never know-maybe Alice saw me coming) and walked in.

I half expected them to come prancing down the staircase. Everything was unmoved. I soaked in the smell that was this house-_their house_. It was clean, and lived in and loved. No dust. They must pay someone to come by and clean it. I let my fingers trace the couch, the table with a vase that normally had flowers in it, and lastly the piano. I wasn't brave here. This was us; him. My fingers touched the keys that were music and light and love; I closed my eyes and heard my lullaby. My tears stained his fingerprints. Like he was wiping them away still. Bastard.

"You bastard!" I screamed through the pain. He needed to hear me. Share this pain. This scar was his.

I would not let him win. I moved my way through the rest of the house, stopping first in Rosalie and Emmett's room. His Playstation was still on the floor. I did not linger in here; my lost brother no longer played.

Carlisle and Esme's suite was next.

It got me where it hurts to see their living space. It was so real; so lived in. Esme's sketching table stood facing the window with drawings still littering the top. I couldn't bring myself to see what they were of. The bed was neatly made, of course. I could imagine them sitting here, quietly, as Esme drew or Carlisle read. Having their private moments away from the family, where they were allowed to be in love. This room was all I had left of them. They didn't love here anymore.

I braced myself as I walked down the hall to Alice's room, the pain increasing with every step. Each room was harder than the last. I stopped first at her closet, touching all of the clothes she felt worthy of leaving behind. Her scent lingered here; honey and vanilla. Everything was designer. I moved through the shoes and the purses to the hats. Everything was in place and new-except for one. Odd-what the hell would Alice need a cowboy hat? She was quirky-I thought no more than that. I touched her perfume bottles, the makeup she never used, the brush that touched her pixie hair. I thought about opening the trunk she kept so private, but they weren't my secrets to know. She was my sister no longer.

I steeled myself as I made the forever walk to Edward's room. His presence lingered on every surface. The couch, the giant bed he bought for my benefit, the stack of journals in the corner. I knew why I had come at last-to read these secret thoughts. He was never honest with me-now I wasn't asking. I didn't want to read the ones from our time; I had no interest to go there. I grabbed one from twenty years ago, and skimmed through until I found a passage that interested me.

_My heart bleeds for Alice; all of ours do. This vision she's blocked from me has me concerned. How she learned to block me in the first place was a feat in itself, but why? What did she see to send him away like that? He was her whole reason for existing-I read that much every time she looked at him. Everything he felt, she magnified. He loved her with every inch of his being. And now Esme and Carlisle mourn for the loss of a son-a son who needed more help than any of us. Emmett is beside himself-he lost a wrestling partner. It was no fun to play with me, apparently, since I saw everything he was going to do. I am merely puzzled, but she is in no condition to ask about it. She is heartbroken, shattered. My sister. Alone, now, without her Jasper._

Jasper. This man was the man from the picture I saw, I knew it. But who was he to her? A mystery I would never know the answer to. On impulse, I grabbed an earlier journal and left the room. I was holding it together, but barely. This was it. I would not come back here again. I would not see them again. They were not coming back.

I would not look for them.

"I'll miss you," I said to no one as I left the room.

**I'm sorry it's short, but I wanted to get you guys something. Also, I didn't want Bella to dwell here-get in, get out-so she can move on. And I know ya'll are begging me for Jasper, but you'll just have to be patient!**

** I've been slacking in the story department here lately, working on the Love of Jasper contest (two entries! check them out on my profile! Boardroom Policies (collab with BamaBabe) and Dirty Little Secrets)**

**Working on the blog, too, which you should be following. Links on my profile. Go with much love!**


	5. Chapter 4: Leave on a Jetplane

**I'm warning you know, this chapter is complete filler. I'm not happy with it at all, but I needed the transition. So rest assured that things will be picking up after this. I'll have an authors note at the end as well.**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

"I can't believe you're graduating, Bella," Charlie said to me as we made the long haul into the auditorium of the high school. Truly, I couldn't believe it myself. I looked down at the drab black gown I was wearing, and even then it was still surreal. I couldn't deny I was glad, but it was just hard to accept it as _real._ A part of me never thought I'd see this day. "Are you sure you don't want to hang around for a while afterwards, though? Do you really have to leave in two days?" Another thing I was firm on-I was not going to hang around. There was no reason. I wanted to go so bad that I could taste it; no amount of begging on Charlie's part would change that.

"I told you, dad, I've got to meet the landlord to sign the lease this week. And I'm not going to fly all the way over there and come back just like that. I'll be home for Christmas, I swear!" I was lying to him right then, because I wasn't sure if I _would_ be coming home for Christmas or not. Right now I was leaning towards the 'not.' He sighed, but didn't say anything further. When we got inside, he branched off to sit with the rest of the crowd while I made my way towards the rest of my class.

The ceremony itself was pretty boring; a lot of talking and tears from my classmates. I was not interested. I wanted to be done, and I wanted to be done _now._ After what seemed like ages, the principal got up and told us all to toss our hats in the air and consider ourselves alumni. I didn't even bother. Instead, I stood up and walked out the door without even waiting for Charlie. He caught up with me, though, looking strangely red around the eyes.

"Aww, dad, it's not that bad!" I cried, unable to harness my emotion at seeing Charlie cry. I had sincerely hoped to avoid this at all costs; emotion was not our forte. But, bless him, he couldn't help himself, and I supposed I could see his reasoning. But no amount of tears on Charlie's part was going to keep me in Forks for more than 2 days. "It's not like I'm dying or something. Come on-let's go home. I think I'd rather cook than go out, if it's alright with you." I tried quickly to diffuse the situation, because the tears were starting to get to me. Charlie seemed to jump at the chance, moving quickly to the car.

Once we got home, I made quick work in the kitchen, whipping up some Sheppard's pie to make Charlie happy. We ate dinner silently, and I felt like we had said all we could say. It was weird-like we had said goodbye already. He had spent his emotional ticket on me and now he couldn't do it anymore. My poor father. I knew that the next two days were going to pass like normal, and he would drive me to the airport like I was going back home instead of across the world. I also knew he would sit in the parking lot and cry while I flew away.

I slept restlessly that night, thinking of Charlie and airports and rain.

The next morning, I slept in-I was entitled, I thought. It was Charlie's voice that woke me from my coma, calling to me about some kind of package I got.

Package? I already got moms present; I don't know who would be sending me something. I tore myself from my bed and groggily fumbled my way down the stairs. Said present was sitting on the table, with Charlie hovering nearby-no doubt curious as to what I had received. Somehow, I felt like I should open this alone-that this was for me only. I don't know why. So I grabbed the box and padded back up to my room without a word. He wouldn't say anything. Sitting on the bed, I tore open the box and removed the tissue paper. It was a red blouse-silk, v-neck and beautiful. My heart sped up as my mind processed this, not allowing myself to think the thoughts I was headed towards. There was no card, only a slip of paper with a number on it-7/7. I knew who it was from. _I knew._ Damn it! Damn her to hell. And what was with the number? I decided that I wasn't going to waste any time with her cryptic shit any more. _Have a vision of _that.

I spent the rest of the day lounging around on the couch. I couldn't think of anything else to do, and I was already packed. Charlie came home from work and I hadn't accomplished a thing.

"How was your day, Bells?" he asked out of courtesy.

"Alright. Didn't do much. You have a good day at work?" He nodded and plopped down onto the couch. I realized that tonight would be the last night I would make him dinner. The last night of Forks. The last night of _them. _I couldn't help but smile as I made my way into the kitchen to cook the last supper.

As we ate, Charlie kept the conversation at the norm-the only change was when he thought I wasn't looking he would glance in my direction and sigh. When I crawled into bed that night, I felt like…like I was finally growing up. With Edward, I didn't _want_ to grow up. I wanted to be forever a teenager. But now? Now I wanted to live. I wanted to prove myself. And deep down, I wanted to have something that none of _them_ would have-a chance to age.

I woke up the next morning with an overabundance of energy, bouncing around my room as I got ready in a rush. Finally-finally! I was down and waiting to be driven to the airport before Charlie had even finished breakfast.

"Don't you want to go say goodbye to your truck?" he chuckled as I tapped my foot impatiently.

"Nope. What-are you going to get rid of it when I leave?" I frowned-it was a good truck, after all. He should keep it around.

"Nah. I'll keep it-hell, I could probably use it for something or another. I take it you're ready to go?" I nodded furiously, grabbing at my luggage. "Well, come on then, let's get this show on the road." I ran out the door and threw my stuff into the back of the cruiser, taking a moment to look at the house I was leaving behind. I looked at my bedroom window. It had opened so much for me. I looked at the simple house, the green trees, the damp ground-it was saturated with _them._ Every branch, every fern was holding me down. "Bells? You ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

Charlie helped me unload my baggage out front, and then it was time to say goodbye for real. He looked at me awkwardly for a moment before coming over and throwing his arms around me in a very non-Charlie hug. I hugged him back, but I would not cry. I would not.

"You're going to do great things, Bella. I know it. I'm proud of you, baby girl. I love you."

I sniffed, breaking my own promise already.

"I love you too, Dad. I'll call you when I get there." He patted me on the back one last time before I gave him a weak smile and walked into the airport.

I didn't even bother to look out the window when we took off.

The flight went by faster than I thought it would, but that was probably to do with the fact that I read most of the way and slept for the rest of it. I found myself strangely nervous as I got off the plane. A whole new place-a new home. The time change had thrown me off, and that didn't help, but other than that-I was ready.

I found a cab easily and rambled off the address to the apartment I haven't even seen yet. It was closer to the airport than I thought-the ride lasted only ten minutes. I paid him-thank God I remembered to exchange some money-and got my bags out of the trunk.

The apartment building itself was nice, and that made me feel a little better. I trudged up two flights of stairs before locating 3A-_my_ apartment. I couldn't help the squeal of joy that escaped as I pushed the door open. I had opted to have it furnished modestly-a couch, table and chairs, bed and a dresser-and it all meshed very well. Simple. Me.

I sat on the couch and reveled in the feeling. Truth be told, I wanted to get up, run in circles and scream like a fifteen-year-old, but I thought better of it. Maybe later.

First things first-read the paper. I needed a job, so I should probably scope the help-wanted ads. Thankfully there was one waiting for me-the apartment complex provided them for free. I started looking, but nothing was catching my eye.

Then I noticed one with an address very near mine-only a few blocks away. Some kind of pub that served food. _Well alright, then_, I thought to myself. I would go there first, and then hit the grocery store and stock up. I decided to walk, since neither location was far from me.

I walked into the bar, and it wasn't out of the ordinary. The man behind the counter motioned for me to sit down when I mentioned an application, so I did. Maybe that wasn't the norm around here. I had been waiting for a few minutes when this woman came up to me and sat down opposite. She was tall-at least six foot. Her hair was brown and wavy and fell just below her shoulders, and she had this hard look on her face that said she meant business. I was immediately intimidated.

"I'm Bonnie. Mark says you're looking for a job?" she asked, and thankfully her voice was softer than her face.

"Yes. I'm Isabella Swan. I just moved here, and I do need a job. I've never waitressed or anything, but I have worked in a sporting goods store, so I have customer service experience. I'm a fast learner, too." I sounded like one of those self-help tapes people listen to…_way to be a nerd._ Bonnie eyed me carefully for a moment before speaking again.

"I'm taking it you moved from across the pond?" _What the hell?_ I didn't say anything, so she must have assumed I didn't understand. "You moved from America?" Oh. Duh.

"Yes. I'm from Washington."

"Never been myself. Well, Isabella, you look like a nice girl. I need the help. You want the job, then it's yours. You mind working nights?" I was floored. Just like that? It couldn't be that easy. Nothing is ever easy for me.

"Really? No, I don't mind working nights-I don't have anything going on. I don't start the University until the fall." I had to be careful not to ramble.

"Wonderful. So let me grab you a uniform, and then I'll see you tomorrow around 8pm." She walked quickly behind the counter and emerged again with a white shirt and a black pair of shorts. I thanked her, and made my way to the grocery store in a daze. I couldn't help but think that this was good. Really good. I was employed, and soon I would be fed, and it was wonderful.

This was _right._

I shopped quickly, wanting nothing more than a good soak in the tub before bed, and I still needed to call Charlie.

For the first time in a very long time, I was happy, untainted, and free.

**I know ya'll are getting restless to see a certain blonde-haired someone, and I promise-soon. it's a slow burn guys. Sorry for the filler, I hate writing chappies like this, but it had to be done. **

**A few things about me: check out the Darlins blog-links on my profile-filled with Jasper goodness. Go now. And for those of you who follow-stay tuned for a bit announcement in the next couple of weeks.**

**catch me on twitter. /kitty_cullen**

**I'm now a part of Project Team Beta-if you need a beta, I strongly suggest you check them out. it's a good program.**

**Since the Darlins can't plug stories by other Darlins they're beta'ing, I'm going to do it here. Check out Faith in You by JaspersIzzy-it is so freaking incredible it's almost blow your mind crazy. I 3 you girl.**


	6. Chapter 5: Drink a Little

**Disclaimer: Not mine!!**

**Thanks for the reviews, guys, you make my day! Keep them coming! i love hearing your thoughts and opinions. **

"Bella! I'm gonna need those drinks taken to table 5 right away, if you please," my boss shouted over her shoulder as I pushed my way through the crowd. So I've been here for a few weeks now-you would think I'd be used to the crowd by now. Not so much. I tried my best to keep up, moving at a frantic pace while my face flushed and my hair went wild, but tonight I was slipping. I had been here _all day_-I was ready to go. A double shift had not been on my agenda when I woke up this morning. I grabbed the drinks and moved towards my table, encouraging myself to just go a little bit longer. It was almost over. I forced myself to work on autopilot for the rest of my shift, my only goal to get it over with.

After several more tables, a few more pinches on the ass, and a round of cat-calls in my direction, it was finally time to go home. I hastily waved goodbye to my coworkers and trotted out the door before anymore tables could yell at me. It was still relatively early in the evening, so I thought I'd catch some dinner on the way and then take a shower once I got home.

The take-out had filled me up, and I was well on my way to bliss as I hoped into the shower. There was nothing better than the hot water that poured over me in this moment. I was making my own way. I was free.

By the time I got out of the shower (I had let the water run cold), it was only nine o'clock. I was wide awake by some weird coincidence, so I thought I might just go out. I hadn't taken much time to go out and just relax. I thought I might just go back to the bar I work at since I knew people there and it was a comfortable atmosphere. I glanced at the calendar that hung on the wall between rooms as I went to go and get dressed-July 7th. It didn't feel like I'd been here this long! I rummaged through my closet, which was somehow already a disaster, searching for something to wear. When I got to the bottom, I noticed the red blouse _she_ had sent me laying on the floor. _What the hell,_ I thought to myself as I grabbed it and threw it over my head. I dried my hair quickly, not bothering to mess with it much and then quickly slipped some shoes on. I wasn't trying to impress anyone, I just wanted to relax. And it was such a nice evening; there was no need for a cab.

"Bella, honey, what in the world are you doing back? Come to take over my shift?" Adam called. Adam was the bartender; he was a few years older than me but you wouldn't know it from the way he looked. His dark hair stood out against his pale skin, but complimented his green eyes perfectly. Too bad I didn't have a type anymore.

"Not in the slightest. I just want a club soda. I was bored." I called, and he rolled his eyes.

"Just a club soda? You know you're old enough to drink here, right?" I considered his words for a moment-why _shouldn't_ I have a drink? One wouldn't hurt, and it's not like I drove here.

"You know what? You're absolutely right. Fix me something nice and tasty. I'm going to sit by the window." He laughed as he turned around to make my drink. Within minutes he was bringing it to my table. "Ooh, I get it hand delivered. I must be special," I laughed, taking the pink concoction from his hands.

"You got it. And I made it just for you-I call it the Drunken Bella." I laughed outright at this.

"Fantastic. I intend to blame you if I make a complete fool out of myself."

"It will be worth it. Enjoy." He patted me on the head as he headed back to the bar. I took a tentative sip-holy crow! This is _awesome!_ I took a bigger drink-this was amazing. If I wasn't careful, I would end up in a great deal of trouble.

Oh well.

I was entitled to get into a bit of trouble, right? I'm the quintessential good girl. But there was no reason for it. I finished the first drink and then shook my glass at Adam, who laughed and gave me a wink.

Before long, that one was gone as well.

I stood up to go to the restroom, and I realized my head was all woozy-like I couldn't focus on anything. The room was kind of spinning.

What a weird effect! This must be drunk. Shouldn't it take more than two drinks to make me feel this way? I giggled. What a funny sound.

"Hey, Bella? Are you okay?" Adam asked as I passed the bar. I smiled at him-he was so nice.

"Oh, yes. I feel magnificent, as a matter of fact." Who wouldn't? This was great! No worries; even though they were there, I couldn't force myself to care about them. He frowned at me, but let me keep going. I decided I was going to sit back down for a bit; as much as I enjoyed this fuzzy feeling, it was starting to get to me.

A man stumbled up to my table-he was grinning at me in a very unpleasant manner. I felt very…uncomfortable. I frowned at him and turned away, hoping he would get the hint. "Hey, honey, you look lonely. How's about some company?" he slurred.

"No, thank you, I'm fine." I replied shortly, moving to stand. He blocked my path. He was starting to really piss me off. "How about you get the hell out of my way?" I snapped. I was still wobbly, but I was thinking a bit clearer.

"Oh, an American! I've never had an American before," he leered. He moved his hands towards me, trying to grasp me around the waist. I backed up, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I brought my foot up to kick him back when Adam appeared at my side.

"You need to leave. Now. Or there _will_ be trouble." He told the man firmly as he pointed to the door. The man gave me one last glance before stumbling away.

"Thank you, Adam. I was going to kick him in the balls before you came around. If he knew better, he would thank you." Adam chuckled, but his look was serious.

"Bella, please be careful. You know how this place can get-I don't want to have to worry about you all night." I didn't know how to feel about this statement. In my current state, it actually made me a little angry.

"Adam, I appreciate you coming to my rescue, but I don't need someone to look out for me _all the time._ I am a big girl, I can take care of myself. Thank you." I didn't want him to think I wasn't grateful, because I was, but I was tired of being treated like a child!

"I can't help it. You just beg to be taken care of. Your innocence will get the best of you." He smirked, but he left me alone. My innocence? Was my innocence going to be the perpetual monkey on my back? My mood was quickly turning sour-I decided it was time to leave. I left slowly, trying to get my feet under me again. I was going to walk home.

The night was cool despite being July. It was actually a very pleasant evening. I walked slowly, allowing the cool air to clear my head. I was feeling marginally better when I turned the final corner to the alley between my flat and the street.

It was then that I realized I had been followed.

"There you are, sugar. I was waiting for you. We didn't get to finish our conversation earlier." The man from the bar quickly approached me, backing me into a wall. _Oh God, oh God, oh God…_My mind raced as I tried to think of a way out of this. My head was clear now-the terror had done the trick. I didn't have to read minds to know what he wanted.

I opened my mouth to scream when his dirty hand covered it. "Now, now, we wouldn't want anyone to interrupt, would we?" he murmured, as if I was already his lover. He pushed himself closer to me-his arousal was evident on my leg. I fresh wave of terror coursed through me. _Not like this,_ I kept thinking. _Not like this._ He licked his lips as his face moved closer to mine. I struggled, trying to turn my head away, but he had a firm grasp on me now. He turned my head to face him. I felt his tongue grace my cheek, and I couldn't stop the scream that welled in my throat. "I said be quiet!" he said, grabbing my face roughly. His other hand began exploring my torso. I was sick.

"Please no…" I mumbled, talking around his hand.

"It's better for me when you beg," he replied, pressing himself closer. From the end of the alley, I could have sworn I heard a growl. My mind was begging to be saved-surely I was hallucinating.

And then the man was gone.

I slumped to the ground, unable to support my own weight as I looked around for my saving grace. I saw a man standing over my attacker, who was now cowering against the wall of the alley. His hand was around the man's throat, and it was as if a menacing rumble was coming from his chest. It was strangely familiar.

"If you value your life, I suggest you remove yourself from this alley immediately. If you so much as _look_ in this woman's direction again, I _will not_ hesitate to kill you. Know that I am not exaggerating." He snarled. My attacker's eyes were wide as he nodded at my rescuer, who removed his hand from around the man's neck. My attacker scurried away quickly, keeping true to his word by not even glancing in my direction. My rescuer was an American-southern, I would guess.

I was shaking so hard that it was hard for me to stand up, but I managed to make it to my feet. I was okay. _I was okay._ "Thank you…" I whispered, unable to bring my voice any higher. My savior turned towards me, running a hand through his hair. It looked blonde.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" the man said to me, but I couldn't respond.

All I could see were his eyes.

His golden eyes.

"Are you in shock?" he asked, moving closer.

"I…I'm fine. He didn't hurt me. Just scared me. My God." The last part just slipped out, but I couldn't stop it.

"Can I take you somewhere? Are you far from home?" he asked, ignoring my sentiments. I just shook my head.

"You're just like them…" I whispered to myself. It had been so long that I forgot that he could hear me. Of course he could hear me.

"Them?" he asked. Surely he thought I was crazy by now, but I couldn't let this go. I had to know.

"It's just…you look like someone I know. A family, actually." I saw his eyes widen, and he visibly stiffened.

"What family?" this came out barely above a whisper. I was shaking still, but this time it wasn't from fear. It was from this revelation. He knew them. _He_ knew _them._

"The Cullens."

The look on his face was confirmation enough.

**Dum Dum Dum!**


	7. Chapter 6: Meet New People

**Disclaimer: Not kitties!**

**Thanks for all the love, guys, gimmie more! **

**The Darlins are hosting a Jasper-centric holiday o/s contest-get your entries in now! details on my profile. We'd love to hear from you! **

The not-so-stranger stared at me, no longer breathing. "What did you just say?" he asked, barely above a whisper. I fumbled, unsure of how to respond. I was at a loss. I had no idea who he was or how he was connected to them.

"I said you remind me of the Cullens." The name hung limply in the air between us. I hated to say it; it drudged up feelings I'd rather not live. The fact that we were standing in a dark alley no longer had any effect on my mood. Nor did the fact that I was almost sexually assaulted. This was all that mattered. How they had somehow crept back into my life with this missing link before me almost angered me, had I been able to register the fact.

"How do you know them?" he replied. He hadn't moved any closer to me. How did I answer this? _"I was in love with one of them until he ditched me in a letter?" _or how about, _"They were my second family. Then they got tired of me."_

"I was…involved…with one of them." He looked at me questioningly, and then his eyes scanned the alley.

"But you're…" he didn't say the word. I knew what he meant. I shrugged. His eyes kept glancing around, like he was nervous.

"Can we talk?" I blurted, because I simply couldn't let him walk away from me without knowing. I had done so well without them, on my own, but now…now I needed to see. To understand why he was in exile as well. What could he have done? Because the Cullens' stick together, they don't just leave. A united front, they said. So why him? He looked at me, mildly alarmed, and I just knew he was going to say no.

"Okay." _What?_ My eyes shot wide with surprise, but I didn't hesitate. I moved out of the alley, and motioned for him to follow.

"My apartment is just around the corner. There will be less…distractions…there." What I meant to say was 'there will be fewer humans there,' but I was exceptionally out of practice. Never once did it alarm me that I had just invited a strange vampire up to my room. Stupid must be written on my forehead. He nodded, following. It was only around the corner, and before long we were both sitting at my little kitchen table and staring at each other awkwardly.

"Who were you involved with?" he asked. I'm sure he knew, but he was being polite-just in case I went 'the other way.' I inhaled deeply before saying the name aloud.

"Edward." I still shivered at the anger that flushed my face. He gestured for me to continue. "Long story short, I cut my finger at my birthday party, he freaked out, left me a note, and I haven't seen or heard from him since. Granted, we weren't together for long, but I was under the impression that it was a forever kind of thing. Apparently not." The bitterness was evident in my voice. Hearing it that way, so cut and dry, just…let's put it this way. I wish I had a stake.

"He was afraid he would harm you-right?" Oh, he knew Edward alright. I nodded. I was surprised at the small smirk that adorned his face at this revelation. "It's not amusing, I know-but it's very like him to do such a thing. He's always been a sort of bleeding heart, if you will. For the greater good and all that."

"Well, piss on him. He didn't want me, and I'm better off without him. Until you showed up, at least. Only _I_ could attract vampires from all around the world." I shook my head at my poor luck.

"And why did you want to talk to me? Clearly you noticed the resemblance of the eyes-that's what caught your attention. But why not tell me to go and not come back?"

"I wanted to know what you did." Sometimes I wished I thought before I spoke. It would come to my advantage in moments like this.

"What I did?" he questioned.

"From what I know, the Cullens' stay together. They don't just go wandering aimlessly alone-they're pretty tight nit. So what did you do to get kicked out? Obviously you didn't cut yourself." It struck me that I didn't even know his name. "What's your name, by the way?" I tacked on.

"My name?" he inhaled. "My name is Jasper. Can I ask you something, before I go on?" I waved my hand, indicating that he could. "Did they ever talk about me?" The question took me off guard. I thought, and then several thoughts came crashing into my subconscious all at once. The picture. The man was blond. And the hushed conversations about someone I didn't know, but they never said his name. Until the journal-Edward's journal.

"_She is heartbroken, shattered. My sister. Alone, now, without her Jasper."_

I gasped. "Oh, God." I couldn't process what I was feeling. I was confused, primarily-what had he done for her to send him away? And sick, because I didn't understand why Alice could send away someone she loved. And angry…angry at all of them for not telling me. They said they considered me family-all lies!! His eyes found mine with alarm, and then, strangely, I wasn't angry anymore. I felt fine, actually. And I remembered something Rosalie said to Alice one day, while they fought: "_You forget that there's nobody here to regulate how I feel anymore, Alice,"_ I couldn't find the strength to hyperventilate, because that's what my mind was telling me to do-I could only gape at him.

"So yes, then. What did you hear?"

I tried to focus so that I could answer. "Nothing direct. I saw a glimpse of a picture, but not of your face. They never said your name. Before I left, I went back to the house and found one of Edward's journals. I saw your name…and Alice's." His eyes closed at the mention of her name.

"I was her husband. She found me and saved me from a very dark place in my life. Together we found the rest of the Cullens. We were together for years-more than I care to remember-before she decided to send me away based on some damn vision that she wouldn't show to anyone." He scowled, the hurt still evident in his eyes.

"How long ago?"

"Five years. Before it was time to move again."

"And she didn't tell you why? She what-just told you to go?" I was appalled. I had no idea that Alice was capable of something so heinous. Until she left me behind, that is.

"She told me that if I didn't leave, something far worse would happen. That someone would die. She told me to go overseas. That I would be happier here, away from all the reminders. She said I could keep the house we had in London." He shook his head. I felt sick. The dull calm, which I assumed was coming from him, was wearing off.

"And that's it? You haven't heard from her since?" _A clean break._

"Not directly. In fact, I've only gotten one letter from her, and it wasn't even a letter at all. It was just some damn number that doesn't mean anything…" he trailed off as his eyes flitted to my calendar. The unnatural stillness set in again-that was getting pretty old, actually. Normal people fidget when they're nervous. Slowly, his eyes trailed back to me. Abruptly, he stood up. "I have to go." He moved towards the door much faster than a human pace. I stumbled to follow.

"What?" I didn't do anything, at least not to my knowledge. I checked myself over; no blood. But his eyes were dark when they fell on me, and I could tell he was upset.

"This isn't right. I have to go." And he was gone. _What the hell?_ I sat in the floor by the door, all my confusion flooding back to me. I tried to piece things together to make more sense of this, but I was having difficulty. What could she have seen to cause him to go like that? It didn't make sense. And how dare she bother to send him cryptic little messages? My defense of this stranger was misplaced; I knew that. But I couldn't help it. She'd done the very same thing to me.

The _very_ same thing. Just weeks ago I'd received a package from Alice. Besides the shirt, it contained a slip of paper with a number. I remembered Jasper's eyes trailing to the calendar before resting on me.

It was a date.

And it was today.

I wished with everything that I had to be inside her head right now, so that I could figure out what the FUCK was going on. Because it didn't make sense to me. So what if I met her ex-husband on the date she had on that slip of paper? What does it mean, anyway? If she wanted me to do something, she was shit out of luck because I was clueless. He's gone, and I'll probably never see him again, so that's out. And why did I care, anyway? I was beyond doing what Alice wanted me to. If she wanted to be all cryptic and shit, so be it. I was just…mad. Mad at her for lying to me, mad at all of them from keeping secrets, mad at them for finding a way to come back into my life when I thought I was free…So I did the only thing I could think of.

I cried. I cried because I wanted to live my own life, and I couldn't. They'd always find a way to make me live theirs.

"It's not fair. IT'S NOT FAIR!" I cried and I hoped, if she had a vision, it would be of this.

Jasper's POV

There had to be a logical explanation behind this. Surely, the date and this girl had nothing to do with one another. I was just in the right place at the right time, that's all. My logical mind thought this made sense, but the rest of me knew it was total bull. If I had learned anything from Alice and the Cullen's, it was that nothing is a coincidence. Perhaps it was just my job to make sure she wasn't assaulted in the alley? That must be it. Because I was out of other explanations. This girl was nothing to me, just a helpless woman in need of assistance. I had no formal attachment. So we'd known the same family? That's not altogether unheard of. It must be that.

I wouldn't let myself dwell on it any longer. It was a mistake to follow her home; to listen to her story. But I was so shocked when she said their names-the reaction was instinctual. How had she come to them, after I?

Enough. I was almost home, and I would think of her no longer. It was over, and I would never see her again.

After an eternity of these thoughts, I rounded the corner to my house. I approached, and noticed that there was a note taped to my door.

The scent on the envelope was unmistakable.

**I hope you enjoyed this! I wanted to give a brief insite into Jasper's mind here-there will be more to come, now that he's on the scene!**


	8. Chapter 7: Help a Brother Out

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

No. I was _not_ going to do this again. I would not let them get to me. Not this time. So whoever this Jasper was, he could just go back to whatever hole he crawled out of and stay there. How is it that I can't escape, even here? Shouldn't I be allowed to live my life? Wasn't that what his leaving was all about? I sat on the floor staring at the door he walked out of with tears for _them_ streaming down my face. _Pull it together, Swan._ Get up off this floor right now. I wiped my face with the back of my hand, smearing tears away in its wake. I pulled myself up to the couch, and let myself sit there for a moment. I would never see him again. There would be no reason to. So I wouldn't let myself get worked up. Or _more_ worked up, I should say.

Okay.

I was okay. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back, and it was all over. Just a bump in the road. I would get up, go to work, and act like this never happened, because that's how I get through the day sometimes. I grabbed a bottled water out of the fridge, downed it, and then crawled into bed.

That was the first night I remembered.

_Cold. The bed I was strapped to was cold, and I didn't like it. I wanted to ask where I was, but I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't even open my eyes. Where was I? I listened-I could hear voices in the background._

"_Will she come out of this? What's wrong with her?" it sounded like my dad. But I didn't know. Another voice permeated my thoughts._

"_I'm…not sure, to be honest with you. It appears that she's suffered a great shock. But I can't understand her physical reaction. From what you've told me, it shouldn't be this severe." _

"_Is it necessary for her to be strapped like that? She hasn't moved in days…" my mom was here?_

"_For her own safety, yes. If she wakes up, she may be upset, and we don't want her to hurt herself."_

"_If?" my father whispered; I was amazed that I heard him. But I couldn't pay attention; everything was fuzzy in my head. I wanted to go back to sleep, where I felt better. So I did._

I woke up feeling confused and slightly upset. I didn't _want_ to think about my past, but here it was again, creeping up into my subconscious. I was fuming at my brain for allowing such a thing, but I guess it was to be expected after the day that I had. I needed a shower; maybe the hot water would drown away this mess. Or me. At this point, I was up for whatever. I padded my way into the bathroom turning the water on as hot as it would go. It felt like a miracle on my skin.

I wandered around the house for the rest of the morning nibbling on crackers and tea; I didn't feel like eating. I didn't think it would _ever_ be time for me to go to work. For once, I was looking forward to it. I needed to get back into normalcy. I laughed at the thought, considering this time yesterday everything was hunky-dory. It seemed like forever ago. I threw on my work uniform, tossed my hair up into a messy bun, and made my way to work. Yep, this was how it was supposed to be. No vampires lurking around the corner. Normal.

Jasper's POV

I held the letter for what seemed like hours. What _was_ hours. I moved to throw it away several times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I didn't want to open it, either, because I was afraid of what it would say to me. I'd had…a very unsettling day; I was worried that whatever the letter said would make it worse. This girl-Bella. I didn't know how to take her. I was only trying to save her from an unfortunate fate. I couldn't just watch as she was assaulted by some barbarian of a man. I had seen her leave the bar that night; her bright red shirt was what caught my attention. I thought it was odd, a girl of her age walking alone at night. I didn't follow, but I didn't go far. And when I was hit with an unbridled terror, I knew something was wrong. My intentions had been to save her and then send her on her way. But then she looked at me like she knew me, and I felt…relieved. I can't explain the feeling now, because it was quickly replaced by the anger the name she spat incurred. _The Cullens. _They, who cast me out for reasons I still didn't know. And Alice. She befriended this girl and never said a word about me! About her husband! And why?

I forced myself to take a deep breath. I was allowing my feelings to get away from me again. I stared at the letter in my hand, and finally decided to open it. When I pulled the corner, her scent assailed me again, and I fought back the sadness that threatened my angry shield. I unfolded the note, and forced myself to read the words.

_Jasper-_

_I know I haven't given you many answers-okay, I haven't given you any. But that first day, when you walked into the café and I asked you to trust me: I'm asking you to do it again. Your future is closer than you think._

_My love forever,_

_Alice._

"Enough!" I cry, and that tether that had been holding my sanity finally snapped. I was sick of this. These cryptic notes, and knowing nothing and expecting to just walk blindly? And trust? She wanted to talk to me about trust?! How could I trust her when she cast me aside? At last I gave into the urge to throw the note away, balling it up and tossing it into the trashcan. I sat down and placed my head in my hands, because I didn't know what else to do. Part of me wanted to call and scream at her to tell me what she meant. The other part wanted to go and find this Bella girl and shake her-force her to tell me what I knew she didn't know. I wanted to know what part she played in this-I knew that much. It's no coincidence that I met her and received a note from Alice the same night. But what? Was it possible for vampires to get headaches, because I sure as shit felt like I was getting one.

It wouldn't hurt to go and _watch_ this girl. Maybe I could get some clues. I needed something to get my mind of my anger anyway. I leapt up and acted on this thought before I could talk myself out of it.

The first stop was her apartment. I peered in the window, but it didn't look like anyone was home. I didn't listen to the thoughts in the back of my mind, asking me to explain these ridiculous actions. I followed her scent back to the bar she was in last night: surely she wasn't drinking again? She didn't strike me as the type. I walked in, careful to choose a seat in the very back away from everybody. My eyes scanned the crowd, and at last I saw her. She was wearing a waitress uniform.

Ahh.

One mystery down. She bustled around the bar, taking orders and smiling politely all the while. _Stalker much?_ I ask myself. I knew, in all honesty, I was only here to get my mind off of Alice. I don't know this girl. I'm grasping at straws. These crazy thoughts spin through my mind, and I can't get them to stop. I wasn't in control of my own mind.

After a while, she moved her way over to me; she hadn't looked up, so I assumed that she didn't know it was me. When she brought her eyes up she came to a halt.

"I'd ask if you want something to drink, but I don't think that would go over so well here." She was angry. She didn't want to see me. "Why are you here?"

"Have you heard from Alice since…Edward left you?" Might as well be blunt about it. Maybe she could help me fill in some of the blanks. A brief wave of grief washed over her-she must have been close to my ex-wife.

"Once, for sure. Well, I can't be positive, because there was no name, but I got a package with a note and a shirt. Alice would be the only one to send me clothes." Naturally.

"What did the note say, if you don't mind me asking?" She looked puzzled, but then realization hit her like a brick.

"Oh! It was a number-like the one you said you got." I waited for her to go on. "Seven seven was the number. It was the same for you, wasn't it." It wasn't a question this time, it was a statement. She had joined me at my table, not bothering to finish serving the drinks she had been carrying.

"Yes." More anger from Bella.

"Damn her to hell!! I don't want this. I don't want to mess with vampires anymore. But no, she has to be all cryptic and shit, and leave me puzzles everywhere I go. And she's thrown you into this now, and my guess is you're too damn stubborn to give up because that's what the Cullen's do-they don't give up. Most of the time." She said the last part with contempt. She was right, however, that I couldn't let this go. There were answers out there that I've wanted for a long time, and by God if I wasn't going to get them.

"You're right. I have to know what she's trying to tell me. As much as it pisses me off that she thinks she can still meddle in my life, I have to know. I have to know why she left." She huffed at my answer, but didn't say anything for a minute.

"I figured as much. You know, when I left for work this morning I just knew I'd never see you again. I should have counted in my luck before I got too hopeful. So what is it that you need from me?" I thought for a moment.

"I don't know."

Bella snorted. "Well that's helpful."

"I know that you're involved in this, but I don't know why."

"Thank you captain obvious. Well what the hell do you need to do to figure it out? I already told you what I know. It looks to me as though we're at a dead end." She had a valid point.

"Would it be forward of me to ask you what time you got off?" She just looked at me for a moment, a blush creeping up her face. I couldn't understand why until I thought about my words for a moment…and realized how she took my question. "No! I mean what time to you get off work? I was thinking maybe you could have coffee and I could ask you some questions. Maybe I could piece together a few things that way." She took a deep breath and shook her head.

"Yeah, I probably should say no, but I don't know what's good for me. I get off at 9 tonight. Come by my place again and we'll see if we can figure out why the pixie tossed you to the curb."

"Alright." I looked at her, and I couldn't help but feel responsible for the disengaged look in her eyes. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this, Bella." She gave me a weak smile.

"No, you're not. But I get it. I would want answers too." She stood up and went back to work, leaving me to wonder alone.

**Eh? What do you think? A mystery we have!**

**A couple things:**

**The Darlins have finished accepting submissions for the Home for the Holidays contest. Voting will start on Nov 20th and run through the 27th, so make sure to head on over to the C2 and vote for your fave! Info can be found on my profile or the Darlins blog. **

**And you've all heard about the Fandom Gives Back auction. Well, MaitresseSaint and myself are offering up a Jasper-centric one shot of your doing! Whatever you want. For real. ANYTHING. Current bid stands at 125, and I'd like to personally thank theladyKT and madmomof4 for getting us there. It means the world to me.**


	9. Chapter 8: Just Say No

Bella's POV

Awesome. Fan-fucking-tastic. I leave the house, ready to get back to normal. Everything's fine. No vampires here! And then-bam! Just like that, one's sitting at my table. And before I knew what I was doing, I'm offering to help him. Fuck my life, seriously. No, I can't just tell him I'm not accepting any undead pets right now, I have to volunteer. He stayed in the booth until after my shift was over, and now he was following me home like a sad, hungry little puppy. I turned around-yep, still there. He was looking at me, puzzled-probably trying to figure out what the hell I'm so pissed off about. That emotion-reading thing must get old pretty quick. Surprisingly, he doesn't ask. We get back to my apartment; I unlock the door, and motion for him to go in first. He promptly walks over and sits on the couch.

"I'm going to make a sandwich." I tell him, marching into the kitchen. I was going to need a full stomach for this. He stays silent. Turkey, cheese and mayo on wheat-Win. After my sandwich (stall much, Bella?) I went to join him on the couch. "So what now?"

"I was thinking I could tell you about me and Alice, and then you could tell _me_ about you and the Cullen's. Maybe there's something in the stories that we need to put together." Super. Let's open up that gash.

"Okay. You first."

"I won't bore you with details of my life before Alice. Let's just say it wasn't so good. I met her while I was wandering on my own; I had no family and nowhere to go. It was raining, and it was daytime-something I was a bit uncomfortable with. I decided to duck into a diner for a bit, let the rain ease up. She was there, waiting for me. I should have been frightened-after all, she approached me like we were already old friends. But I wasn't. She told me that she'd been waiting for me for a long time. She held out her hand, I took it; I never looked back. She explained that there was a different way to live, and then she went on to tell me about the Cullens. I was ecstatic to learn the reasoning behind my continued distress." I frowned. He must have seen my expression because he went on to explain. "My power makes it difficult for me to…feed from humans. I can feel everything they do, up until their last moments. It's very unpleasant. When Alice told me that the Cullen's only fed from animals, it sounded perfect." It was so difficult to imagine Jasper living with them; with Alice. It blows my mind to know that Alice had coldness to her that I never saw.

"How long were you with them?" I had to ask.

"Around forty years. My time with them was…good. I learned a lot from Carlisle. He made me feel like a true son. I felt accepted. Esme mothered me, Emmett was my brother. Rosalie…was Rosalie," he chuckled, "And Edward befriended me. He could see in my head, see how much I wanted to turn my life around. He did his best to help me. And Alice…she was my everything." He looked away from me, and I had this sudden feeling of deep grief; I had to clench my stomach it hurt much. He looked up at me and then frowned. "I'm sorry. It's hard for me to keep my emotions in check when I talk about this. I was projecting."

"I can't wrap my head around this. They never said anything about you. How could they do that? Forty years? And she just…what? Told you to get out?" I don't understand. How could they? I caught myself-of course they could. They left me just the same.

"It was sudden. We were hunting, and she had a vision. Nothing out of the ordinary, she had them often. But when she came back to me, and I saw her face, I knew. Her terror hit me moments later. My first instinct was that something was coming for the family, but that wasn't the case. At least I don't think it was. She never told me what she saw. Only that if I didn't leave now, that someone important would die. She said it was imperative that I not even return to the house. I was not to return. She kissed me once more on the lips, and that was it."

"And what-you just listened to her?" Why the hell didn't he fight?

"I did. I had spent so long with her; I didn't know what else to do. I was stunned. I know it doesn't make any logical sense-I should have fought. All I can tell you is that I just…shut down. She told me to go, and I did. I contemplated going back several times. I wanted to force her to give me a reason. I wanted to force her to let me stay. But I didn't." I could almost understand his reasoning. After all, I never went looking for Edward after he left me. Granted, Jasper would have a much better chance at finding them than I would.

"I get that. I would have thought that Alice of all people would have explained herself, though. If she would have told you what she saw, and it was as bad as she said it was, would you still have gone?" He considered me for a moment.

"No. I would have tried to find another way around it."

"And she knew that. She forced you out so that you wouldn't fight it." He nodded his head in response.

"I've spilled my guts; now it's your turn. How did you meet them? The Cullens?" Crap. I was hoping to avoid this particular part of the conversation. I took a deep breath. "Why are you so afraid to talk about this?" he asked. _Stupid vampire with his stupid power._

"I try…very hard not to think about them. At least, I was doing a good job until you showed up. But that's beside the point. I moved to Forks to live with my dad. The Cullens were attending the high school there. Edward…well, frankly he thought I smelled pretty good. So we had the whole 'want to eat me' thing, to start. But that's not even the best part. He can't read my mind. So he must have thought that was pretty cool, because he kept coming back…" I trailed off.

"Wait…he can't hear you? That's some luck, sugar." _Sugar?_ What the hell? That Southern accent was a dangerous thing.

"Yeah, I like to think so. We got pretty close," I said this, knowing that it was a gross understatement, "and I kind of just fell in with the rest of the family. I _thought_ we were getting along pretty well." I hung my head. I hated this. I hated feeling like a piece of crap every time I thought of them. I looked up to find Jasper staring at me, perplexed.

"You said that you were under the impression that it was forever-did you love him?" My heart plummeted. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't answer. "Oh, Bella. You did." I shrugged and turned away, trying to force the tears back. I wasn't going to cry for them again. I sniffed.

"It doesn't matter. He left. They left. They didn't want me."

"What kind of warning did you get?"

I snorted. "Warning? I got a fucking letter." He looked at me, shocked. "I told you that," I said. Why was he surprised?

"I thought you were joking." I snorted again. He was going to think I was some kind of farm animal at this rate.

"Oh, I wish. No, I got a letter. Nobody else bothered to say goodbye. They just…left." I tried, and subsequently failed, to keep the images away. _I'm sorry. I love you._ "How could he say he loved me, and then leave? He didn't even _try._" And there were the tears.

"What's the point of all this?!" Jasper cried suddenly, grabbing his hair in fistfuls and pulling. "She forces me out, and he leaves you behind? And why? I don't understand!" Frustration was pulsing around the room; I could almost see it. I completely agreed with him.

"If it makes you so mad, why do you even care?" I asked.

"I don't know!" he roared, in a frenzy now. "I don't know why I care. I just have to know. I have to know what I'm supposed to be looking for! I got another fucking note. It said my future was closer than I thought. What the hell does that even _mean_?"

"Wait-you got another note? So what-does that mean she's here? Like, here here?" Oh, hell no. I started hyperventilating.

"I don't know where she is. And if she doesn't want to be found, she won't be." What? I call shenanigans.

"You're a vampire. Couldn't you just, you know, sniff her out?" He shook his head.

"The trail is probably too dull. She's probably long gone, as it is. It would require almost constant attention to try and locate her-and then there's the issue of her visions. She would see this, and she could evade me." He liked this idea though, I could tell.

"What about…the rest of them? Do you think you could find them? Surely they wouldn't pack up and leave just because you were coming to visit." I could imagine the happy reunion scene in my head. That would be _fun_.

"I could. But…" he hesitated. I rolled my eyes.

"But what? Who cares what Alice said? You can't live your whole life afraid of some vision you don't even know about! Go and ask them. Emmett will probably tell you in a heartbeat." I had to be careful, saying their names. I could feel that pain creeping around the edges again. "Then you can have your answers, and things can go back to normal." And I can finally live in a world where vampires don't exist again. No more pain.

"I don't know for sure that they would stay-allow me to find them. Alice will see it, I'm sure. She might have already. It's a long shot."

"Looks to me like it's the only shot you've got. We could sit here for weeks reliving every single moment with them, and it wouldn't do us any good. If Alice is anything, it's smart. She wouldn't have given away any more than she wanted us to know."

"You've got a point." He sighed. "We should probably get moving. Do you need to make arrangements with your boss? I'm not sure how long-" I cut him off.

"Whoa, cowboy, wait up a second. Who said anything about 'us'? My happy ass is staying right here. But you have fun with that!" No way was I getting involved with this. I did my part, I helped. Hell, I even brought his ass home twice! But under no circumstances was I going to hop in a car for some extended-ass road trip with him. Nope.

"Wouldn't you like to have answers, too?" he asked, trying to play the whole 'persuasive vampire' part. He looked at me, and his gold eyes were so warm, and he was kind of smiling…NO.

"Listen. I really hope you find what you're looking for. But I don't want to go. I can't see them again. I just can't." There-all the emotional cards were on the table. I just…couldn't. I wanted nothing more than to go back into my room, crawl into bed, and be done with this whole mess. "I'm serious. I just can't do it. I was a wreck when they left. I'm finally able to not think about them-seeing them would just send me back to hell." He was still looking at me as if I hadn't said a word.

"Please? I don't know if I can face them alone. Just…Please."

Oh, hell.

**Will she stay or will she go? If it was me, I'd be all over that shit-who could pass up his pretty little face?**

**In other news, NCChris and I have entered into the slash/backslash contest. It would please us if you would vote for our story, "Replacing Guilt with Good." For real. Voting is up until the 13th of December. So go-read and vote! ****http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash**


	10. Chapter 9: Go Backwards

**Hello, lovelies! Sorry it's been so long, but I'm here now and that's what matters! I hope you enjoy this, and remember to leave me love if you do!**

"No." I answered him. He wasn't going to pull this puppy-dog shit with me, not today. He looked honest-to-God affronted that I was able to turn him down.

"Please? I'm…afraid." Cue the wide eyes to the max.

"Let's try this again. _Hell_ to the no." I meant what I said. I was not, under any circumstances, going to be sucked into this again. Sad vampire face be damned. He watched me for a solid minute, waiting for me to change my mind. Then he reached his hand into his pocket, pulled out a slip of paper and sat it on the table.

"That's my number. Call me if you think of anything you want me to ask." He rose from the table and walked out the door. I saw him get into a car, so my guess was he was driving. Hell, he probably needed the drive to get his thoughts together. I sat down at the table he had just vacated and chewed on my bottom lip. I picked up the slip of paper and twirled it between my fingers. Okay-seriously? Did he _really _expect me to just get into a car with him and go driving off into the sunset, looking for our long lost family?

I got up and started to head back to the bar to finish my shift when my boss called me over. "You alright, love? You look a little pale." Did I?

"Yeah…sorry. I'm just a little under the weather, that's all." I shook my head, trying to bring myself back into the real world. The only world that mattered.

"It's slowing up in here-why don't you take off. You've been working too hard as it is." _Because that's just what I needed-more time._

"Thanks. I'll head on home." I tossed my apron behind the bar and headed out the door. On the way, my thoughts trailed back to Jasper. It has to suck, being in his situation. They all but kicked him out, and now he was just going to go and beg for answers?

Damn it, and there's the guilt. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I was probably halfway between work and my apartment when I pulled out my cell phone. I sighed, looking at the screen light up. Was I going to do this? _Why_ was I going to do this? I don't know him! Then Emmett's face flashed in front of me, and Esme, and Carlisle, and everyone in a procession. And I knew that I was going to call him because _I_ wanted answers. I grabbed the crumpled piece of paper from my pocket and dialed the number.

"_Yes?"_

"Uh…it's Bella." Silence. "How far away are you?"

"_Why?"_

"I changed my mind." He snorted. Did vampires snort?

"_I'll pick you up in an hour."_ Click. Well, at least he was coming back. I made it back to my apartment and started to pack. Shit-what was I going to need? Where the hell were they? And was I going to have to fly? I grabbed my passport just in case. Tossing in a handful of sweaters and jeans, I added some PJs and called it quits. I parked myself on the couch and called my boss.

"Hey, it's Bella. Listen-something's come up back home. I'm going to have to take off for a while. Yeah, I'm not sure how long, but I'll call as soon as I have a better idea. I'm really sorry-I have no choice." She understood, and didn't put up a fight. I heard a car pull up out front, and then a horn honked. I huffed-what, no door pick-up? Deciding it didn't matter anyway, I locked my door and headed out to meet him.

"So sorry about that," I murmured once I got into the car.

"Why'd you change your mind?" he asked, ignoring my apology.

"I decided I wanted answers too." Well, at least I didn't wait until tomorrow to call, then he'd have been long gone.

"Alright then." Short and sweet. He pulled away and headed away from town.

"So…where exactly are they?" I asked, curious. I mean, how would you go about sneaking up on a Coven full of vampires that had a fortune teller living with them?

"I have no idea. That's why I said I wasn't sure how long this will take-I'm going to have to track them."

"And how are you going to do that?" It seemed like a difficult feat, chasing vampires that didn't want to be found.

"First, we're going to Northern Ireland. Carlisle has friends there, and if he's been to see them they'll tell me."

"And if they don't know?"

"Then there are other people I can call; I would just rather talk with the Irish Coven first. They're more…hospitable." That triggered a thought.

"Jasper? This coven we're going to visit-my guess is they're not vegetarians." Which was bad for me, since apparently I was pretty tasty to these guys.

"You would be correct. But they're very civilized, they won't hurt you. They're actually very kind." Well, that was a comfort-until I fell and cut myself again. Then we'll see who's _hospitable._ I didn't say anything else, only gazing out the passenger window watching the scenery fly by. We were silent for hours.

"Where are we going? I mean, I know we're going to Ireland, but…couldn't we just take a plane from London?"

"We could have, yes. But I prefer it this way-fewer people." I looked at him dumbly. "I haven't been away from human blood as long as the others who follow my diet. It's just…easier if I'm not on a plane stuffed with people. We'll take a small charter plane." My hand crept to the window button; I wasn't about to have him chomping on my ass! The window rolled down, and he chuckled. "You're not in any danger, Bella. I'm not going to eat you." I kept the window down anyway. We got to the airport not long after that, and it shouldn't have surprised me-we were taking a private plane. When he said 'charter', I should have figured as much. I grabbed my bags and walked on board with a frown on my face. We settled in, and the flight attendant (seriously? He paid for this?) brought me a drink.

"So Bella. Would you tell me about your time with the Cullens? With Edward?" he asked as I sipped my soda-water. I choked.

"Why? I've already told you everything that makes a difference."

"I know that. But that doesn't mean I'm not curious. They were my family, after all."

"You already know how I met them; what are you looking for?" I balked, trying in vain to avoid the topic.

"What's your favorite memory with them?" Oh, Jesus H Christ. Was he intentionally trying to rip my heart to shreds? Because this would work for sure.

"Our first summer together, we went swimming in the river near the house. It was private, and not very deep. Everybody went; even Rosalie, which was an event because that would involve getting her hair wet and that NEVER happened. So I was sitting on the bank with Esme, because swimming with vampires? Not a good idea. Carlisle was watching from the bank as well, but everyone else was in the water. Emmett, being himself, made some smart-ass comment to Edward about something that I can't even remember. And then Alice looks up, all in the middle of a vision, and giggles. Edward sees what she's seeing, and laughs, and you know it's on then! So Edward dives underwater, nabs Emmett by the legs and yanks his trunks off. He tosses them on the bank, ugh, right in my lap, before Emmett can even figure out what's going on. And he's pissed, and comes rushing towards me, butt-ass-naked!" I actually giggled here, despite the pain. "And I jump up and freak out because hello, he's naked! So I toss the shorts at him and run behind Esme, who pats me on the head and apologizes for her children's behavior. Everybody was laughing, and I was blushing, and it was like we were a family." I could see the whole thing again, and it actually physically hurt.

"I can see that," Jasper mumbled. His face was scrunched up-whether due to my pain or his I wasn't sure. And I realized in that moment that _this _was exactly why we were looking for them. I know that moment wasn't fake-so what changed? I needed to know why I wasn't good enough. "Are you going to ask me the same thing?" he asked.

I thought for a moment. "No, I don't think I can stand it. Not right now. You know, before you came along I had completely shoved ALL of them into the back of my mind? I didn't want to think about anything involving them. It hurt too much. I still don't want to think about it." This sudden burst of honesty surprised me.

"Why are you feeling worthless? I understand your sadness, but it wasn't your fault they left you, Bella." I looked at him, shocked.

"How do you figure? If I would have been more careful, then I wouldn't have cut my finger. That's why they left." I was hit with a wave of anger that definitely wasn't mine.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Bella, you're a human. You bleed. Every single one of them knew that when they chose to befriend you. And Edward knew that when he chose to love you. You acted as any human would, and you can't blame yourself for that." I just stared at him.

"But if he loved me, and they loved me, why didn't they want to turn me?" This secret desire burned on the way out, but it was the truth. That was the root of it all.

"Edward has always been afraid to allow himself any form of gratification. I imagine that turning you, assuring your place by his side for eternity, would be the ultimate release for him. It probably scared him to death." I rolled my eyes. "In addition to that, he believes that we as a species are damned no matter the lifestyle we choose to follow. Therefore, turning you would be damning you."

It was Edward, in a nutshell. It shook me, knowing that this man knew them as well, better, than I did.

"How do you do it? Not blame yourself?" I asked, because I sure as hell could use some tips.

"My situation was different. If I blame myself for anything, it's for being too trusting. I left without question, when I should have been full of them. But whatever she saw to push me away? That wasn't my fault. And it's not yours either." He said to me again, pushing his calming influence down my throat.

"I need to hear it from them." I stated.

"And so you will. We'll be landing soon, and then we'll have to drive for a bit. They don't exactly live in the towns' center," he said as he changed the subject. I nodded, acknowledging the drop in subject.

"So these vampires we're going to meet-what are they like?" I asked. It was probably best to learn as much as I could so that I was prepared. "I know they don't conform to your diet, but do they have abilities? Are they nice? How do they know Carlisle?"

"They're very kind, Bella. Carlisle met them while he was roaming Europe-before he met the Volturi. And one of the members, Maggie, is gifted. She can tell if someone is lying-almost like a second sense. She's very sweet. Don't worry-I promise they won't hurt you. In fact, I hazard a guess that they will be on your side." He chuckled.

"This is insane. I can't believe I'm doing this." I shook my head. "I'm just asking for it, aren't I? I get out of this make believe world, and now I'm waltzing back in?! I must be crazy." At this, Jasper actually laughed. I mean, full on laughed. His head was thrown back and his dimples were peeking at me from the wide grin that graced his face.

"You're rather entertaining, you know that?" he said through his chuckle.

"Glad to know I can bring on the chuckles," I muttered. The fasten seatbelt light came on, and the plane began to descend.

**Eh? Did I have you going there at the beginning? Next up we'll be meeting the Irish coven. **


	11. Chapter 10: Walk into the Lion's Den

**A little bit of fluff for your January. We'll be meeting the Irish this time around!**

**If you haven't checked out my new AH story, Awake in the Dark, you should. Gonna be yummy! **

**The Darlins are hosting a V-Day contest, and it's not all sugar and flowers! You should check that out, too!**

"So what kind of car are we going to rent?" I asked Jasper as we waited in the rental line at the airport. It felt good to walk; my anxiety was making me fidget. I continued to shift from one foot to the other.

"Whatever they have available. I didn't exactly call ahead." He didn't look in my direction, and I noticed he was a bit tense. And he wasn't breathing. _Okay, that's creepy._

"You gonna make it?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow at him. _If this dude goes crazy in the airport, I don't want any part of it._ He nodded, quick and jerky, but didn't open his mouth to speak. Finally, it was our turn at the counter. I decided maybe I better kick this off. "Whatever you have available will be fine," I told the cashier. She looked between Jasper and I, nodded, and started typing on her computer. It took longer than necessary, but eventually she handed us a set of keys. Jasper slid her the credit card and tried to smile, but it was more of a weird grimace. After we finished paying, he took off towards the exit probably faster than he should. I had a difficult time keeping up. And the freaky part about it was that it looked like he was walking. It would probably be different if he tried to give the illusion of running-he was at a running pace. But to be _walking _at a running pace? Weird. _I'm even babbling in my head._ He was in the car and starting it before I even reached the door handle. "Were you planning on waiting for me, or were you just gonna take off without me?" I grumbled.

"Sorry. Had to get out. The plane ride combined with the airport….was quite a lot to handle." He still hadn't looked into my eyes.

"No prob. So how long will we be in the car?" I quickly changed the subject, not wanting to broach the issue of Jasper slaughtering an airport full of people again.

"A couple hours at least, depending on traffic. Once we get out of the city it will be a straight shot, but we still have to fight a bit of a crowd." We were pulling out onto the busy street now-I could see what he was talking about.

"How long will we stay with them?" I had to ask-I mean, was this going to be a quick drop, or were we going to hang out? These vamps were already getting to me, and I haven't even met them yet! I know Jasper said they were kind, but…how kind could they possibly be if they fed from humans?

"It depends. At least a couple of days, if they're hospitable. I don't want to just get information from them and run, I'd like to learn as much as I can." I could understand that. How often did their kind get together and catch up? Once every ten years? Every twenty? I watched the scenery fly by, and it was beautiful. I'd always wanted to travel, I just never imagined it would be like this. I tried to think of something to talk about, but I was all out of chatter. Besides, he's probably heard everything anyway. How do you make small talk with a 100 year old vampire? How old was he anyway? I never asked….

"Bella. Wake up." _What?_ "We're here." I opened my eyes and scrunched them up immediately. Where are we? "Hello? Bella?"

I started to grumble. "What now? Did I fall asleep?" I mumbled. "I don't remember falling asleep."

He chuckled. "It's alright. You probably needed the sleep. We've driven as far as we can go' we'll have to walk the rest of the way. It's probably best if you stay behind me, they may be less than friendly at first."

My eyes widened and I gulped. "What do you mean, less than friendly? I thought you said they were nice?!" _Oh, _hell_ no._ "If you think my human ass is going to waltz in there right now, you are crazier than I thought you were." I shook my head the whole time.

"Bella, I swear they won't hurt you. You just have to trust me. Can you do that?" I glared at him. He _looked_ sincere. Oh, what the hell.

"Fine. But if they eat me, I'm going to blame you." He chuckled again. We got out of the car and I did as he said, following behind him. And clinging to his shirt. He didn't say anything about that, but if they're going to take me out he's going down with me. It wasn't a far walk, and before too long Jasper was reaching behind him to stop my motion. I could hear a low growl coming from the direction of what I guessed was the house. Jasper immediately dropped into a defensive crouch, but I could tell it wasn't meant to be negative towards this unknown vampire. He was trying to protect me.

"It's Jasper. I've brought a friend." He called into the dark. I'm sure _he_ could see them, but I was starting to get freaked out. The growling stopped and I could finally see a figure emerging. Jasper straightened up and stuck out his hand. "Liam." The tall vampire approached, cautiously, and shook Jasper's hand. He peered at me with nothing but open curiosity on his face.

"Jasper. It's been so long. What brings you to my home? And with a human?" Again, polite curiosity. The man, Liam, was very tall with dark hair and deep crimson eyes. His face had hard lines, but didn't necessarily look unfriendly.

"I'm hoping you'll be able to help me. But first allow me to introduce my friend. Liam, this is Bella Swan." Liam reached out and gently took my hand. I tried to smile.

"Bella. So nice to meet you. Please, won't you both come in? I assure you, Bella, you'll be safe." He smiled, and I suddenly felt a lot more at ease. We walked up the stairs and into the small house. It looked little more than a shack. But I supposed they really didn't need much space. There were two other vampires waiting inside when we got there. One woman and one that looked little more than a girl-she had bright red curls and freckles. "Siobhan, Maggie-you remember Jasper? And this is his friend Bella." They both looked slightly shocked as they took in the fact that I was human. Siobhan stood up first and stood at Liam's side. "Siobhan is my mate." He said to me. She looked friendly. Okay, so maybe they were cool after all. Maggie waved from her spot at the table.

"Jasper, so good to see you. And where is your lovely wife?" I saw him cringe. This was bad news-this meant that she hadn't been here.

"Perhaps we should sit down." Jasper said, looking somber. I could tell everyone else in the room noticed. Maggie frowned while Liam and Siobhan moved to sit at the table. "How long has it been since you've heard from any of the family?" He asked. I couldn't help but hold my breath.

"Several years. Carlisle called in passing about 6 months ago, but he didn't linger on details. In fact, he didn't say anything about the rest of you, only that they were moving and where to find him." _Yes!_ Oh, fucking awesome! I wanted to dance. I just might dance, if they told us what we wanted to know. Jasper was smiling now; fool could probably feel my excitement.

"Did he tell you where they went?" he couldn't help himself as he blurted the question. This was more than we could have hoped for.

"I've got their address, yes-but Jasper, why don't you know?" Siobhan spoke up for the first time. Her voice was surprisingly soft.

"I parted ways with the family many years back. I hold no qualms with them. Alice and I separated and I had to leave-I couldn't stay with them after that. But I'd very much like to reconnect, and I can't find them."

"Why did you separate from Alice? That's almost unheard of in our kind." Liam asked.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. She had a vision, and whatever she saw meant that we could no longer be together. I took it in stride at the time, but I'd like to know her reasoning, which is why I'm looking for them." I was surprised how honest he was. I figured he'd leave that part out.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." Siobhan responded, and she reminded me of Esme in a way. She seemed very motherly. "Do you think you'll be received well?" she asked, and I knew she was testing the waters. Was it okay to disclose the location?

"I do. There have been some strange happenings lately, and I believe Alice is responsible. I don't think they'd have any problem with me." He responded.

"And what of you, Bella? Why are you with Jasper?" Liam asked, smiling at me. Here we go. If Jasper could be honest, so could I.

"I used to be with Edward. I want to know why he left me, and what Alice has to do with it." Short and sweet. That was the gist of it, really.

"You were his mate?" Siobhan asked, slightly shocked. I suppose dating the food source was probably a bit unorthodox.

"Um…I guess." I stuttered. I saw both Liam and Siobhan look to Maggie, who gave a cryptic little nod. Jasper noticed as well, and frowned a bit.

"Maggie can sense when someone is lying," Liam explained, and then I remembered that Jasper told me that. I smiled at her, hoping that her assessment was in our favor. Her warm smile eased my fears.

"I'll gladly give you the address that Carlisle gave me. When will you be heading out?" Liam rose and went to dig in a little drawer to the right of the table-for the address I guessed. He passed it to Jasper who glanced quickly at it, smiled, and put it in his pocket.

"We were hoping to stay a day or two. Is that an inconvenience? Because we could leave now if you like." Jasper was so polite. Look at him, all dimples and charm.

"Of course you can stay! We don't have a bed, but we have a couch in the front room. Will that be alright, Bella?" Siobhan asked, gesturing towards what I assumed was the living room.

"That's great, thanks so much." And it was. I didn't mind at all, as a matter of fact-I'd slept on my couch plenty of times. I was actually looking forward to getting to know these foreign vamps better. I had so many questions! I'd never been close enough to a human-drinker to ask questions. At least, close enough without almost becoming food. I wondered how open they would be to answering? I guess I'd been pondering this for longer than necessary, because Jasper was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he looked puzzled, like he'd never seen someone daydream before. Do vampires daydream?

"Oh. Sorry, I was just thinking. Do you think it would be alright if I asked you guys some questions? I mean, I'm human, so this is all a bit surreal to me. I'm not used to being a food source." Might as well lay it all out now. Jasper turned to watch their faces; I was relieved when Maggie grinned.

"I can imagine you would. I'd love to answer your questions. Only if you'll answer some of mine, that is-I don't remember much about my human life." I nodded.

"Sure thing. Maybe in the morning?" I asked, trying to stifle the yawn that had crept up on me. Why was I so tired? I napped in the car. Jasper noticed, and I heard him snicker. I narrowed my eyes and glared.

"Of course. I've got a blanket around here somewhere, let me go get it for you and you can go to sleep." Siobhan said as she stood up and walked away. Maggie and Liam stood as well.

"We're going to go hunting. We're not quite used to having a human in the house." He said, but he winked at me. They left. I noticed they didn't invite Jasper.

"So you took this pretty well," he said. I turned to face him as I pulled at the edge of my shirt.

"I like them. I think. You were right; they're nice." I'm sure he felt the relief pouring from me. He smiled.

"I told you. I wouldn't take you to someone who would hurt you." His eyes bore into mine, and I knew he was serious. I didn't know how that made me feel. After a minute, he broke his gaze away and stood. "I'll wait until they come back before I go hunt, if that's alright with you." He said.

"Yeah, sounds good. At least they'll be full when they get back." I tried to grin, but I was starting to get hazy from sleep.

Jasper only laughed.


	12. Author's Note

***sigh* I wish I was coming to you with an update, I really do. When I started writing this story, it was all gung-ho, write-a-thon, constant story streaming madness. And now, here I sit, looking at blank document after blank document. The worst part? I had this whole thing planned out when I started writing it. Bella was snarky, Jasper was awesome, and it was great. **

**And now, I can't get into it. I can't write it, no matter how hard I try. I've sat in front of blank documents, one after another, trying and failing to write the continuing chapters. And everything has turned out attrocious. The characters just aren't with me any more. You don't know how much it kills me to say that, either, because I LOVE them. so much. But I'm not going to write something that's awful, just because. **

**Here's what I want to do. I want to...give it away, so to speak. If any of you enjoy this story enough, and you feel as though you could do these characters justice, please contact me. I want to turn the plot over and let someone else continue. I'm so sorry, to all of you that have been on this journey with me, because it's been so great. A thousand apologies. But I can't do it justice any longer. **

**Please forgive me, lovely readers.**

**A PM would be wonderful, if you're interested. **

**Kitty Cullen**


	13. Update on Status

**Good news! This will be the LAST time I'll fool you with one of these author note suprises, I swear. I want to personally thank all of you for your well wishes, and all of you who personally offered to take this story over for me. You have no idea how much it means to me.**

**I am pleased to announce...**

**That this story will become a lace kittens project. For those of you that are familiar, I co-write under this penname with a fabulous writer named lacym3. She graciously offered to help me write this story, rather than me giving it up completely. I think this is a wonderful idea; we write very well together and I think she can really bring a lot to the story. **

**This means that the story is going to stay right here! Since there is so much of the story here, we saw no reason to move it to our joint profile. So we will be posting the story right here! Just remember to thank her in your reviews as well. **

**We're working on the next chapter now, and as soon as it's ready, we'll be posting!**

**I hope you're all as excited as I am,**

**KC**


	14. Chapter 11: Ask Questions

**I want to thank each of you that has stuck with this story in all of it's difficulties. I apologize for leaving you hanging for so long.**

**Disclaimer-does not belong to us.**

**Please welcome lacym3 to this project, as she is now co-writing this story with me. head to her profile and check her out! She is my other half. **

Something was poking me.

I squirmed, trying to get away from it, but there it came again, sharp in the side.

An amused voice came from beside me, "Bella, it's time to get up." I rolled over, ignoring the voice.

"Bella." More poking.

"Enough with the poking," I ground out, turning over to crack an eye at a smiling Jasper. "What do you want?"

He chuckled, "Maggie wants to talk to you."

"And it couldn't wait a few more hours?" I asked, looking around with bleary eyes, spotting the cheerful looking redhead staring at me from the other side of the room.

"She's very excited," Jasper said as Maggie crossed the room toward us. She moved as fluidly and as gracefully as Alice. I groaned and pulled myself into a sitting position, wincing as my feet came into contact with the bare stone floor. Maggie plopped down on the couch next to me a smile stretched across her face. She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut across her.

"As much as I'm looking forward to this round of question and answer, which I am, really, I need a human moment first." I grimaced as the old phrase slipped pass my lips. Both Jasper and Maggie looked confused.

"I have to pee," I elaborated, to which they both replied with long, "Oooh,"s. Maggie pointed me in the direction of the bathroom, and I wondered why they even had one. Surely they didn't have many human visitors, well, none that were here long, anyway.

I pushed open the wooden door and walked into the bathroom. It was a tiny room with, like the rest of the house, cobbled together stone walls. A chipped sink stood in front of a mirror next to an equally damaged toilet. A shower stall took up the rest of the room, but this looked fairly new. I would have to try it out later, I still felt grimy from travel and I had been too tired last night to clean up.

I took care of business quickly, and stared out the window as I washed my hands. The view through the warped, rippled glass was amazing. Hills of bright green sloped in every direction, speckled here and there with purple heather. The light that filtered through the heavy clouds was dim, the weather here reminded me of Forks. A knock at the door brought me out of my reverie and I dried my hands quickly and opened the door to a concerned looking Jasper.

"Are you alright?" he asked, "You've been in here for a while."

"Yes, I'm fine," I answered with a roll of my eyes, "let's get this show on the road." I walked past him and back into the living room where Maggie sat on the couch, waiting patiently. She greeted me with a warm smile and patted the spot next to her.

"So Bella-what would you like to know?" she asked politely. Everything. I thought for a minute about what I really wanted to know, and stopped when I realized I'd never met a decent human-drinking vampire before.

"How do you feed from humans? I mean, how to you feel okay with it?" I asked, nothing but polite curiosity showing on my face. She looked at me the whole time I spoke, and I could tell she was really trying to figure out what to say.

"Bella, I am a vampire. Humans are my natural food source. I need blood to live, and I also want to enjoy my meal. I am not human. Do you feel guilty when you eat a hamburger?" she questioned.

"No, but it's not the same," I responded.

"How is it different?" she chided. I knew she was trying to get me to understand, but I just couldn't make the connection.

"I'm a person. A cow is just an animal. It's…different." I fumbled because I knew I wasn't making sense. She saw my hesitation and smiled.

"And I am a vampire. Humans are animals to me, in a general sense. No offense," she added. I smiled and shook my head.

"None taken. You haven't eaten me yet, so I must be doing something right." My comment made her laugh out right, turning to me and placing her hand on my knee in the process.

"Bella, just because you're human doesn't mean I think down on you. I can respect you, and I think you're…rather interesting. Not many humans live around vampires for so long and survive." Odd, but true I suppose. "And now it's my turn for a question," she said, grinning still. I motioned for her to continue. "Why exactly are you doing this? I know the story, but…why?" It wasn't a question from a vampire to a human, more of a question from a girl to a girl.

"I don't want to go for the rest of my life not knowing why. Why did he leave me when he said he wanted no one other than me? If I was his life? And because of Jasper, I want to know what he did to Alice-she was my best friend. I feel as though I deserve to know." I shrugged.

"How will you feel when you do know?" She asked.

"I don't really know. All I can feel is that I have to know or I won't be happy…it's something that would always be in the back of my mind. I don't want to live like that. So I'll take whatever comes with it." She watched me for a moment before rising and heading towards the door.

"I see your point. I'm going out for a bit, getting kind of thirsty. Jasper is with Liam right now, but I'll let him know you're alone." She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at me. My answering look was enough to quell it.

_Jasper_

I sat across from Liam, watching as he flipped through a thick book with various names and addresses scribbled in it. He sat in an old wooden chair outside the back door of their cottage, and I sat in one that matched. He was mumbling to himself under his breath as he flipped, occasionally he would stop, shake his head, and start flipping pages again. I had never seen a vampire with such poor organizational skills.

I let my gaze wonder to the sprawling Irish countryside that surrounded us and I let my mind wonder to Bella. I wondered how her conversation with Maggie was going. I was kind of worried over what Maggie would tell her.

"Ah!" Liam exclaimed and I looked to see that he was standing, pointing at a page of the book with a triumphant smile. "I've found it!" he said. Then his smile faded. "Oh, no, wait," he sat back down, "this address is from back in 1924..." He began flipping again and I propped my elbow on one of the arms of the chair and rested my chin in my hand.

"Oh for heaven's sakes Liam!" Came Siobhan's lilting voice from the back door way of the house. She walked to Liam, snatched the book from his hands and turned to a page in the back of the book then thrust the book my way. Liam shrugged and chuckled.

"I'm sorry Jasper. Organization is not my strong suit." Siobhan laughed and shook her head, walking back into the house. I looked down at the page.

_Carlisle and Esme Cullen_

_1257 Meadowview Drive. _

_Boston Ma. 02101_

_(United States)_

Hope flared briefly in my chest; we finally had a lead. Thinking of what we might find there, though, threw water on the small sparks of hope. I rose and clapped Liam on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Liam. Hopefully," I glanced down at the page again, "hopefully they're still there. Now, I've got to go tell Bella." Walking back into the house, I passed Maggie who winked at me and gestured toward the living room.

"She's waiting for you, Jasper." Maggie giggled and bounded outside. What the hell? Shaking my head in confusion, I walked into the living room.

"Liam, well, rather Siobhan found the address," I lifted the scrap of paper I had ripped out of the book. "They're in Boston." A sad smile crossed her face and I felt her physically trying to buck up.

"When do you want to leave, then?" she asked.

"As soon as possible," I answered. "Did Maggie answer all your questions?" Bella snorted.

"Oh, she answered them alright. Do you have any idea how strange it is to be compared to a cheeseburger?" I laughed at the look on her face.

"No, no I don't," I said, still laughing.

"All right, all right, that's enough," she said, glowering. "I guess we should hit the road then, huh?" I nodded and held out my hand to help her off the couch. She glared at my proffered hand until I dropped it and then she rose, trying for all she was worth to be graceful. An effort that was completely wasted when she tripped as she took her first step and would have face planted on the stone floor if I hadn't reached out and caught her. With one hand fisted in the back of her shirt, I lifted her off the ground until her feet dangled and brought her closer to me. I looked at her face, and bit my lip to hold back my laughter.

Her face was red, her eyes wide and blazing in a way that could have possibly been intimidating if she hadn't been dangling a foot off the ground. Her eyes narrowed into slits and she glared at me.

"Put. Me. Down," she seethed, radiating indignation and embarrassment. I did as she asked and set her on her feet and she stormed out of the room. I followed behind, a small smile playing at my lips at the sight of her stomping down through the house.

* * *

After saying our goodbyes to Liam, Siobhan and Maggie (and thanking them again profusely) we drove back to the airport and boarded the first flight to Boston.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, turning in her seat to look at me. I cocked my head to the side in question. "What are you going to say to Alice? When we get there?" I leaned my head back to rest on the seat and closed my eyes.

"I don't know," I murmured. I cracked an eye open at her. "What are you going to say to Edward?" She mirrored my position.

"I don't know."

The rest of the flight was spent in silence.


End file.
